• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 9 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Thu Jan 19 22:24:27 2023
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    TOM: That's one of those obscure moons of Saturn, right?
    JOEL: Looking forward to meeting Queen Zixi.


    CROW: For marriage.

    Old Mr. Crow and Jimmy Rabbit had a good laugh over
    Grumpy Weasel's plan for a race with Jimmy. They thought it a
    great joke.

    JOEL: Maybe you had to be there. Wait, we were!

    "He needn't give me a start," Jimmy said.

    TOM: 'Needn't'.

    "I can beat
    Grumpy easily."

    "Never mind that!" Mr. Crow advised.

    CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'Well, I can *not* beat him even more easily!'

    "You might as
    well let him have his way.

    TOM: You needn't make him all grumpy.

    He'll look all the more foolish,
    trying to catch up with you."

    JOEL: Now into your clown suit and remember to let your pants fall down!

    So Jimmy Rabbit agreed to run the race as Grumpy
    Weasel wished,

    TOM: Only two more wishes and Jimmy goes back into the magic lamp!

    saying that he was ready to start at once.

    CROW: Zoom!
    JOEL: [ As Maxwell Smart ] 'Would you believe starting at *twice*?'

    But Mr. Crow told him he had better wait till the
    next day.

    TOM: Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after ...

    "That will give me time to tell everybody," he

    CROW: Including Santa Claus and Princess Ozma of the Land of Oz!

    "and then there'll be a big turnout to see you
    win---and to jeer at Grumpy Weasel for losing."

    TOM: Wasn't this the plot of 'It's Motocross, Charlie Brown'?

    And one could
    tell from Mr. Crow's remark

    JOEL: That he's one sassy bot.
    CROW: He's different.

    that he liked Jimmy Rabbit and
    that he despised Grumpy Weasel.

    CROW: Or that he's playing both sides against the middle.

    The next day proved to be a fine one for the race.

    TOM: [ Grumbling ] Man, 25 bucks fine for racing ...

    wasn't too hot nor too cold;

    JOEL: It was threatening to be a little too medium.

    and early in the morning the
    field- and forest-people began gathering at Grumpy Weasel's
    hunting ground,

    CROW: Mmm, buffet.

    where the stone wall touched the clearing.

    TOM: Watch out for holes!

    About the only persons that objected to the time set
    for the race were Benjamin Bat and Solomon Owl.

    TOM: Minor characters get alliterative names, real characters get normal names.

    Benjamin said
    that he could never keep awake to watch it;

    CROW: We *get* it, Benjamin, you're not a racing fan. Stop dissing us who *are*.

    and Solomon
    complained that he couldn't see well in the daytime.

    JOEL: But they're not *racing* a well.

    But all
    the rest of the company were in the best of spirits, giggling
    slyly whenever they looked at Grumpy Weasel,

    TOM: He-he-he-he-hah
    JOEL: Mwuh-uh-ha-hah-haa!
    CROW: [ High-pitched cackling ]

    who seemed to
    pay scant heed to his neighbors,

    TOM: I love whenever Scant Heed To His Neighbors comes up on the indie station.

    though you may be sure his
    roving black eyes took in everything that was going on.

    JOEL: Tale of *Greedy* Weasel.

    seemed more restless than ever as he waited for Jimmy Rabbit
    to arrive,

    CROW: Well, how restless *is* Ever?
    JOEL: Ever Egret.

    walking to and fro on his front legs in a most
    peculiar fashion,

    TOM: It's called warming up, Narrator!

    while he kept his hind feet firmly planted
    on the ground in one spot.

    JOEL: Restless *Some* Legs Syndrome.

    Of course he could never have
    moved about in this manner had his body not been so long and

    CROW: Fatty Raccoon in the background, not moving at all.

    Noticing Grumpy's strange actions, old Mr. Crow
    looked worried

    CROW: No, I figure Grumpy knows what he's doing!

    and asked him what was the matter.

    TOM: Bubble wrap rehearsals.

    "I hope
    your hind feet aren't troubling you, just as the race is
    about to begin," he said.

    JOEL: Maybe his ankles are too tight, ever think about that?

    Grumpy Weasel hissed at the old gentleman before he

    TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Sorry, my tire cap was loose.'

    "Don't worry! You'll soon see that my hind feet can
    travel as fast as my front ones---

    JOEL: That feels like a threat, somehow.
    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'And then I'll show those fools at the Academy!'

    when I want to use them."

    TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'But when I remove them from their box they lose a lot of value so I want to be sure this is worth it.'

    "Ah!" Mr. Crow exclaimed knowingly.

    JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I have no idea what you just told me!'

    "He's saving his
    hind feet for the race."

    TOM: Yeah, close enough.

    When Jimmy Rabbit reached the gathering place, coming
    up in a long lope,

    CROW: I love those old-fashioned vehicles like jitneys and phaetons and lopes and everything.

    Mr. Crow hurried to meet him.

    JOEL: Mr Crow, do you just want to race Jimmy? Is that your game?

    "I advise you to save your hind feet," he whispered.

    TOM: Don't spend them all in one place.

    "Grumpy Weasel is saving his."

    CROW: Just in case the boss battle really needs feet.

    Jimmy Rabbit told Mr. Crow, with a smile, that he had
    saved his hind feet all his life---and his front ones, too.

    JOEL: El-Ahrairah looking at Jimmy after this going, 'Eh, I guess. Fine.'

    "I've brought them along to-day,"

    JOEL: Even though I needn't.

    he said, "to help
    me win this race."

    CROW: My feet, and the weasel-proof tape at the finish line.

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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