• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 4 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Thu Dec 15 22:03:42 2022
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    TOM: Chapter One, Part Two, Part Two, Part Two.


    JOEL: Where the rain gets in ...
    CROW: You said that.

    Usually Grumpy Weasel did not stray far from a
    certain corner of Farmer Green's wood lot.

    TOM: How much wood does Farmer Green have?
    JOEL: A lot?

    He preferred to
    hunt where he knew the lay of the land.

    CROW: Pretty sure it just hangs out on top of the bedrock underneath?

    And since he liked
    especially to hunt along old stone walls,

    JOEL: Those *new* stone walls aren't good for anything.

    he picked out a
    long stretch of old tumble-down wall that reached through the
    woods towards Blue Mountain.

    TOM: Now why would you build a wall to keep the mountains out?
    CROW: West Virginia didn't and look what happened to them.

    He picked it out as his very own hunting ground and
    never asked permission of Farmer Green, either.

    JOEL: Grumpy Weasel fighting back against the Man.

    Now, near the lower end of this wall---the end toward
    the pasture---

    TOM: Don't mistake which end is toward the pasture, it *will* be on the final exam!

    a fat person known as Mr. Meadow Mouse
    sometimes wandered.

    CROW: Mr Meadow Mouse sleeps in the park, shaves in the dark ---
    JOEL: We did that too.
    CROW: Why is every name doing this to us?

    But he never visited that spot without
    first inquiring whether Grumpy Weasel had been there the day

    TOM: Why wait a day between asking and going to the place?

    Mr. Meadow Mouse had learned somehow that Grumpy
    usually moved on each day to a different part of his hunting

    CROW: I'm going to guess he walked, maybe ran to other places?
    TOM: Maybe he has a Weaselmobile? Or a tiny helicopter?
    JOEL: A series of weasel-bearing trampolines scattered across the yard.

    He was surprised, therefore, to meet Grumpy Weasel
    face to face one time, when he felt sure that that surly
    rogue must be a good safe distance away.

    CROW: At the tavern, trying to get the bard to stop picking fights with farmers.

    Mr. Meadow Mouse cast a quick glance around. But he
    could see no place to hide.

    TOM: The hiding place was hidden?
    JOEL: It does one thing and it does it well.

    So there was nothing for him to
    do but to put on a bold front. He bowed pleasantly enough,

    CROW: Everything else has failed, so let's try courtesy!

    though he was trembling a little, and remarked that it was a
    fine day

    JOEL: 35 dollars and two points on his license.

    and that he hoped Grumpy was feeling happy---all of
    which was quite true.

    CROW: Yes, it is truly quite.

    Grumpy Weasel glowered at Mr. Meadow Mouse, for that
    was his way of replying to a kindly greeting.

    TOM: Ugh, don't talk to me before I've had my morning mouse.
    CROW: Arthur Morning Mouse, last seen in The Tale Of Solomon Owl.

    "You've not come here to hunt, I hope," he growled.

    JOEL: 'Cause you're not wearing orange, I'll have to ticket you.

    "I'll have you know that this is my private hunting ground
    and I allow no poaching."

    TOM: How do you feel about scrambling or omelette-making?

    Mr. Meadow Mouse hastened to explain that he was
    merely out for a stroll.

    CROW: [ As Meadow Mouse ] Look, there's one now! [ CROW leans out of frame, going 'Whoosh!'. ]

    "I never hunt," he declared. "Of course,

    JOEL: 'Course, I am hunting for an easier way of life, but aren't we all? Hah ? Ha ha? Ha? ... Uh ... '

    if I happen
    to see a tiny seed I may stop to eat it. But that's all."

    TOM: Got him on a technicality, that's grazing, not hunting.

    "You'd better be careful what you say!" Grumpy Weasel

    CROW: You don't want to accidentally say something like 'Flord digorznip flompty hoopnay', since that's nonsense.

    "Unless I'm mistaken, you were hunting something the
    moment you saw me. You were hunting a hole."

    JOEL: Oh, you can't get a hole this time of year, they're all hibernating.

    Mr. Meadow Mouse gasped slightly. He hardly knew what
    to say.

    CROW: 'I wasn't hunting *a* hole, I'd take *any* hole.'

    "Be very careful where you go around here!" Grumpy
    Weasel warned him. "The holes in this stone wall are all

    TOM: The stone wall itself is the Monolith aliens', so, attempt no landings there.

    I shouldn't want you to use a single one of them
    without my permission."

    CROW: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'Oh, I'm okay in all the others, though?'

    Mr. Meadow Mouse assured him that he wouldn't dream
    of trespassing.

    TOM: No trepanning, now, that just makes more holes for Grumpy Weasel.

    "And these holes among the roots of the trees---they
    are mine too," Grumpy Weasel snarled.

    JOEL: Well now Grumpy sounds like he's aggrandizing.
    CROW: Yeah, some of those holes are historically part of the Badger-Mink Commonwealth's.

    "Oh, certainly! Certainly!" Mr. Meadow Mouse cried.

    JOEL: Maybe!
    TOM: I guess?

    He was so quick to agree that for once Grumpy Weasel couldn't
    think of anything more to find fault about.

    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Give me a minute, I just woke up.'

    "I'll let you crawl into a few of the smaller holes
    in the stone wall, if you'll be careful not to hurt them," he
    offered grudgingly.

    TOM: How do you hurt a hole?
    JOEL: Same way you hurt anyone, run roughshod over its fillings.

    Mr. Meadow Mouse made haste to thank him.

    CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Oh, oh, I can't have haste anymore. Too much sugar too close to bed.'

    He said, however, that he thought he would wait till
    some other time.

    TOM: That's the sort of thing it's easy to say when you're in 1915.

    "There's no time like the present," Grumpy Weasel

    CROW: That thought is the only thing that's kept me going lately.

    "To tell the truth, I want to see if you can
    squeeze through as small a hole as I can."

    JOEL: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'Mr Weasel are you hitting on me?'

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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