• MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 3 [ 1 / 1 ]

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Thu Dec 8 20:17:06 2022
    XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k


    TOM: Chapter One, Part TWo, Part Two


    CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Always --- I mean never --- I mean don't avoid --- I mean make sure not to miss --- '

    When young Master Robin heard the strange voice that
    sounded so grumpy and so near him he was terribly frightened.

    JOEL: Grumpy Bear?
    TOM: Oh no, we got Care Bears staring at us.

    He forgot that he thought himself grown up, and very wise,

    CROW: Wise people are never cornered by the grumpy!

    and quite able to go about alone. He didn't even look to see
    who was speaking,

    JOEL: Robin sounds ill-mannered.

    but fell backwards off the limb of the
    apple tree.

    TOM: Hit every iPod on the way down.
    CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! Ouch!' Thud!

    It was lucky for him, too, that he fell just when he

    JOEL: [ As Robin, weakly ] 'It *was*?'

    For a long brownish person, white underneath, took
    Master Robin's place on the limb so promptly

    TOM: Is he wearing an apron? Did a sous-chef just hop in?

    that you could
    hardly have said he jumped into it from somewhere else.

    CROW: So put thoughts of claiming he had jumped into it from somewhere else out of your head, you wicked fool, you.

    seemed to have popped out of the tree somewhat as a freshly
    popped kernel of corn bursts forth.

    JOEL: Inside a microwave bag?

    A moment ago it was not
    there! You were watching, but did not see it grow big.

    TOM: What kind of a knob are you? Why do I have you on staff? Begone!

    Well, all at once there was silence in the orchard.

    JOEL: 'Silence in the Orchard' was my favorite Jethro Tull song.

    Everybody was holding his breath, waiting to see what
    happened to young Master Robin.

    TOM; [ Whistles the opening bars from 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly'. ]

    Though he had lost his
    balance and tumbled backward he righted himself quite like an
    old-timer and flew off across the orchard.

    CROW: Real Buster Keaton move there, you admire the stone beak.

    "I didn't know snakes could climb trees," he
    stammered to Mr. Chippy, who had followed him.

    JOEL: [ As Mr Chippy ] 'What do you know about fish that do parkour?'
    CROW: 'Have you ever considered a whale who BASE jumping?'

    "Snakes!" Mr. Chippy piped. "That wasn't a snake!

    TOM: [ As Robin ] 'Was it two snakes?'

    That was Grumpy Weasel.... And it's a wonder you ever
    escaped," he added. "I must learn that backward somersault.
    It's a good thing to know."

    CROW: 'You make it look as easy as falling out of a tree --- say!'

    You can see that Mr. Chippy was a very humble person.

    JOEL: Well everyone knows to expect humility from a whatever a Chippy is.

    But Mr. Jolly Robin's eldest son was quite proud. Already he
    began to feel that he had been very skilful in escaping.

    TOM: The escape room can't hold you if you just fly out!

    of course it was only an accident that he got away.

    CROW: Yes but given the contingent nature of history aren't all events 'accidents' really?

    For once in his life Grumpy Weasel had been careless.

    JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel had gone right to the police this would never have happened.

    It had looked so easy---catching that clumsy young robin! He
    had spoken to Master Robin, not dreaming that he could save

    TOM: Well if you're not going to save yourself who do you expect to?

    To make matters worse, Grumpy had found Mr. Chippy's
    nest empty.

    JOEL: Mr Chippy lost everything in the Panic of 1907.

    And Grumpy Weasel was the sort of person that
    liked to find a bird at home when he called.

    TOM: When he cawwed.
    CROW; [ Turns and looks at TOM. ]

    It always made
    him more ill-natured than usual to make a call for nothing.

    JOEL: I mean, who does like making calls these days?

    And now he had let a stupid young Robin escape him.

    CROW: Like they say, it's not the number of breaths you take, it's the number of stupid young Robins you stop from breathing.

    So it is
    not surprising that his big black eyes snapped nor that he
    said something in a fierce voice that sounded like "Chip,
    chip, chip," but meant something a good deal worse.

    JOEL: Soggy chip, soggy chip, soggy chip.

    And to add to Grumpy Weasel's rage, somebody had
    laughed hoarsely---somebody that sat in a tall elm across the

    TOM: The trees are mocking Grumpy too? That seems excessive.

    If he could have caught Mr. Crow there is no doubt
    that Grumpy would have made that black scamp sorry that he

    TOM: Lure him in with comic books and opinions about butter!
    CROW: I told you those in confidence!

    But old Mr. Crow was too wary to let anybody
    surprise him.

    CROW: I did not expect that!

    "Haw, haw!" he laughed again. And Grumpy Weasel
    actually couldn't bear to hear him.

    JOEL: Wallace Bear, meanwhile, couldn't weasel to crow him.

    Some of the onlookers
    claimed afterward that they saw Grumpy Weasel start down the
    tree. And that was as much as they could say.

    TOM: Somehow he lapped himself and ended up right back up top of the tree.

    No one knew how
    he managed to slip out of sight.

    JOEL: Grumpy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

    And the field people say
    that he was never seen again in that exact spot.

    CROW: Ah yes, they say weasels never strike twice in the same place.

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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