• MiSTing: Greetings From Canada [1/1]

    From JMShearer@21:1/5 to All on Sat May 1 00:02:49 2021
    MiSTing: Greetings From Canada
    ERA: Nonstandard/none: J. Michael Shearer's Theater one-off
    Category: ad/spam
    Original Author: unknown
    MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer

    [JESSE walks down the mall corridor that leads to his theater, noticing that the skate shop that had been across from the theater had been replaced with a merch shop bearing a sketchy version of the logo for something called Radio Dead Air. He pauses
    for a moment to have a closer look and is approached by an anthropomorphic raccoon with a similar build to his own but about half his height.]

    RACCOON: [speaking Animalese Hello, hello! I see that you are checking out the Radio Dead Air Shop. Please feel free to purchase some of their fine Radio Dead Air merch.

    JESSE: I really should. I enjoy their work. [beat] Hey, are you Tom Nook, by chance?

    TOM: [Animalese] Indeed I am. Why do you ask?

    JESSE: I've been saving up for that Island Getaway thing you do. Is there some way I can get ahold of you later?

    TOM: [animalese] Here, this is my business card. [hands JESSE a card] Give me a call when you're ready.

    JESSE: [takes card] Thanks, man! I've got business at the theater across the hall, but I'll give you a ring soon as I can!

    TOM [Animalese]: I look forward to it! [departs]

    [JESSE goes right into the viewing area of the theater; takes second seat from end of row]

    JESSE: Huh, an RDA shop and Tom Nook. The place has changed lately...

    From:Felix <Donotreply@taipaq.ca>

    JESSE: Gladly!

    Sent:Thursday, January 7, 2021 6:03 AM

    JESSE: I really should take that out, but I'm having trouble finding things to work with by other means...

    Subject:Greetings From Canada


    JESSE: Just the one?

    My name is Felix,

    JESSE: That's nice!

    a Chief Compliance officer at one of Canada’s
    foremost Cryptocurrency exchange platforms.

    JESSE: Really? Which one? Didn't know there were any specifically Canadian.

    This is a private and confidential message from me to you and I
    request that it be treated as such.

    JESSE: You got it, buddy!

    I am contacting you in respect of an urgent matter (Deal)

    JESSE: Are they admitting that this is a bad deal?

    regarding funds in excess of Nine Million US Dollars

    JESSE: Oh, only nine mil, huh?

    which resulted from a liquidated BTC account belonging to a deceased
    account holder. I will let you in on my plan and why I chose to
    contact you in the first place after I have received your reply
    and gaining your full confidence.

    JESSE: Oh, couldn't just give me that part pf the bullshit now, huh?

    Many thanks and looking forward to your reply.

    JESSE: Here you go, buddy!

    My peronsonal email: info@free221.com

    JESSE: Normally, I'd cut this out, but this time...


    JESSE: The cat? [beat] Is this the end?

    [end of leader strip crosses screen]

    JESSE: I'd hoped that would be longer, but I'm a bit short for time at present, so short's OK, too. [exits to mall concourse outside RDA Shop; is greeted by Inspector Carmalita FOX from the Sly Cooper games]

    FOX: Finally coming back, I see.

    JESSE: Yeah, yeah, for new stuff for a change, too. I hope the retro stuff I've been showing has been bringing in a little traffic, too.

    FOX: It has been, but only a little.

    JESSE: Have you met that Tom Nook guy I ran into on my way in? I suspect he'll bring the traffic up a little bit. Talked me into trying out this new shop here. [indicating the RDA store behind him] It's not all RDA stuff like I thought it would be.

    FOX: How do you mean?

    JESSE: Well... [reaches into pants pocket and somehow pulls out a rather large plushie that appears to be Animal Crossing's Tom Nook dressed in Sly Cooper's outfit, complete with cane] Figured you'd get a kick out of this.

    FOX: [smiles, takes plushie] You know, we really shouldn't do things like this, butterball...

    JESSE: I know, but this one was too good to pass up. [beat] Anyway, I suppose I'd better get back to work on other stuff. See you around, Inspector.

    FOX: You, too!

    [outro music: Kmart muzak from the early 1990s featuring the opening jingle below]
    Jingle: o/~ The best to you! / From Nookmart Radio...! / N-O-O-K! .o/~


    Video Games
    Animal Crossing copyright Nintendo
    Sly Cooper copyright Sucker Punch Games and Sanzaru

    Kmart Muzak copyright relevant rights holders
    Kmart ads copyright Kmart

    Felix the Cat copyright Paramount Pictures

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