MiSTing: Greetings From Canada
ERA: Nonstandard/none: J. Michael Shearer's Theater one-off
Category: ad/spam
Original Author: unknown
MiSTing Author: Jesse Shearer

[JESSE walks down the mall corridor that leads to his theater, noticing that the skate shop that had been across from the theater had been replaced with a merch shop bearing a sketchy version of the logo for something called Radio Dead Air. He pauses
for a moment to have a closer look and is approached by an anthropomorphic raccoon with a similar build to his own but about half his height.]

RACCOON: [speaking Animalese Hello, hello! I see that you are checking out the Radio Dead Air Shop. Please feel free to purchase some of their fine Radio Dead Air merch.

JESSE: I really should. I enjoy their work. [beat] Hey, are you Tom Nook, by chance?

TOM: [Animalese] Indeed I am. Why do you ask?

JESSE: I've been saving up for that Island Getaway thing you do. Is there some way I can get ahold of you later?

TOM: [animalese] Here, this is my business card. [hands JESSE a card] Give me a call when you're ready.

JESSE: [takes card] Thanks, man! I've got business at the theater across the hall, but I'll give you a ring soon as I can!

TOM [Animalese]: I look forward to it! [departs]

[JESSE goes right into the viewing area of the theater; takes second seat from end of row]

JESSE: Huh, an RDA shop and Tom Nook. The place has changed lately...

From:Felix <Donotreply@taipaq.ca>

JESSE: Gladly!

Sent:Thursday, January 7, 2021 6:03 AM
To:ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com

JESSE: I really should take that out, but I'm having trouble finding things to work with by other means...

Subject:Greetings From Canada

Greeting,

JESSE: Just the one?

My name is Felix,

JESSE: That's nice!

a Chief Compliance officer at one of Canada’s
foremost Cryptocurrency exchange platforms.

JESSE: Really? Which one? Didn't know there were any specifically Canadian.

This is a private and confidential message from me to you and I
request that it be treated as such.

JESSE: You got it, buddy!

I am contacting you in respect of an urgent matter (Deal)

JESSE: Are they admitting that this is a bad deal?

regarding funds in excess of Nine Million US Dollars

JESSE: Oh, only nine mil, huh?

which resulted from a liquidated BTC account belonging to a deceased
account holder. I will let you in on my plan and why I chose to
contact you in the first place after I have received your reply
and gaining your full confidence.

JESSE: Oh, couldn't just give me that part pf the bullshit now, huh?

Many thanks and looking forward to your reply.

JESSE: Here you go, buddy!

My peronsonal email: info@free221.com

JESSE: Normally, I'd cut this out, but this time...

Felix.

JESSE: The cat? [beat] Is this the end?

[end of leader strip crosses screen]

JESSE: I'd hoped that would be longer, but I'm a bit short for time at present, so short's OK, too. [exits to mall concourse outside RDA Shop; is greeted by Inspector Carmalita FOX from the Sly Cooper games]

FOX: Finally coming back, I see.

JESSE: Yeah, yeah, for new stuff for a change, too. I hope the retro stuff I've been showing has been bringing in a little traffic, too.

FOX: It has been, but only a little.

JESSE: Have you met that Tom Nook guy I ran into on my way in? I suspect he'll bring the traffic up a little bit. Talked me into trying out this new shop here. [indicating the RDA store behind him] It's not all RDA stuff like I thought it would be.

FOX: How do you mean?

JESSE: Well... [reaches into pants pocket and somehow pulls out a rather large plushie that appears to be Animal Crossing's Tom Nook dressed in Sly Cooper's outfit, complete with cane] Figured you'd get a kick out of this.

FOX: [smiles, takes plushie] You know, we really shouldn't do things like this, butterball...

JESSE: I know, but this one was too good to pass up. [beat] Anyway, I suppose I'd better get back to work on other stuff. See you around, Inspector.

FOX: You, too!

[outro music: Kmart muzak from the early 1990s featuring the opening jingle below]
Jingle: o/~ The best to you! / From Nookmart Radio...! / N-O-O-K! .o/~

Credits

Video Games
Animal Crossing copyright Nintendo
Sly Cooper copyright Sucker Punch Games and Sanzaru

Music
Kmart Muzak copyright relevant rights holders
Kmart ads copyright Kmart

Cartoons
Felix the Cat copyright Paramount Pictures

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