• MiSTed: The Tale of Fatty Raccoon, Chapter XVII (1 / 1)

    From Joseph Nebus@21:1/5 to All on Thu Feb 25 21:47:40 2021
    XPost: alt.fan.mst3k, alt.tv.mst3k


    MIKE: I usually take a 2XVII but I've been feeling light lately.


    TOM: Not *that* The Moon, mind you. A different The Moon.

    Wandering through the woods one day,

    CROW: In the very merry month of ... December.

    Fatty Raccoon's bright eyes
    caught a strange gleam from something---something that shone and
    glittered out of the green.

    MIKE: Oh yeah, it's Gleam Squirrel season.

    Fatty wanted to see what it was,

    TOM: Raccoon laser eyes on.

    though he
    hardly thought it was anything to eat.

    TOM: Oh. Raccoon laser eyes off, then.

    But whenever he came upon
    something new he always wanted to examine it. So now Fatty hurried to
    see what the strange thing was.

    It was the oddest thing he had ever found---flat, round, and

    CROW: Fatty discovers his first flying saucer.

    and it hung in the air, under a tree, just over Fatty's head.

    MIKE: A shower head?
    TOM: Jeez, there's got to be nicer ways to tell him to take a bath.

    Fatty Raccoon looked carefully at the bright thing. He walked all around
    it, so he could see it from all sides.

    MIKE: So someone hung a half-dollar from a tree?

    And at last he thought he knew
    what it was. He made up his mind that it was the moon!

    TOM: Oh, yeah, I can see where --- *what*?

    He had often seen the moon up in the sky;

    MIKE: Okay, yeah, sky, that checks out.

    and here it was,
    just the same size exactly,

    CROW: *Exactly*?
    TOM: I think Fatty's one of those people who doesn't believe you can see the moon during the day.

    hanging so low that he could have reached
    it with his paw.

    MIKE: 'Could have'. Big talk there, Fatty.

    He saw nothing strange in that; for he knew that the
    moon often touched the earth.

    CROW: Fatty studied astronomy at an un-accredited college.

    Had he not seen it many a time, resting
    on the side of Blue Mountain?

    TOM: Uh ... all right, Counselor, I'll let this continue but you're on a short leash.

    One night he had asked his mother if he
    might go up on the mountain to play with the moon; but she had only

    CROW: [ As Mrs Raccoon ] 'The Moon is a cow place. We raccoons have Toronto.'

    And here, at last, was the moon come to him!

    TOM: This is so awkward because The Moon's meeting someone else there.

    Fatty was so
    excited that he ran home as fast as he could go, to tell his mother,
    and his brother Blackie, and Fluffy and Cutey, his sisters.

    MIKE: And Jimmy Rabbit's imaginary brother.

    "Oh! the moon! the moon!" Fatty shouted.

    CROW: Tattoo's catchphrase for _Fantasy Island: 1999_.

    He had run so fast
    that, being so plump, he was quite out of breath. And that was all he
    could say.

    MIKE: He's thinking of making Moon Pies and ... Moon cakes ...

    "Well, well! What about the moon!" Mrs. Raccoon asked.

    TOM: Moon salad, Moon pudding ...
    CROW: Moon sausages? ... I don't know, this category's stumped me.

    would think you had found it, almost." And she smiled.

    CROW: Is ... is 'you found the moon' some 1915 slang or something?
    MIKE: [ Shrugs ]

    Fatty puffed and gasped. And at last he caught his breath

    "Yes---I've found it! It's over in the woods---just a little way
    from here!" he said.

    TOM: And up a considerable bit!

    "Big, and round, and shiny!

    CROW: Huh ... well, that sounds like the Moon, sure.

    Let's all go and
    bring it home!"

    MIKE: Oh, I don't know. You never play with that Ceres you brought home last year.

    "Well, well, well!" Mrs. Raccoon was puzzled. She had never heard
    of the moon being found in those woods;

    TOM: Oh, now our woods aren't good enough for the Moon?

    and she hardly knew what to
    think. "Are you sure?" she asked.

    CROW: Have you checked it for any identifying Apollo landing sites?

    "Oh, yes, Mother!" Fatty could hardly wait, he was so eager to
    lead the way.

    TOM: He's going to be so embarrassed when he gets back and it's just Pluto.

    And with many a shake of the head, Mrs. Raccoon, with her family, started off to see the moon.

    MIKE: This reminds her of the time Fluffy brought home a Lesser Magellanic Cloud.

    "There!" Fatty cried, as they came in sight of the bright,
    round thing.

    CROW: Oh, that's not the Moon, that's just Callisto.

    "There it is---just as I told you!" And they all set up a
    great shouting.

    TOM: Finally a Raccoon Moon.
    MIKE: Man in the Moon wearing in eye mask.

    All but Mrs. Raccoon. She wasn't quite sure, even yet, that Fatty
    had really found the moon.

    CROW: If this is the Moon why does it have a sticker saying Made In Queens?

    And she walked close to the shining thing
    and peered at it. But not too close!

    MIKE: Screen falling off the door, door hanging off the hinges ...

    Mrs. Raccoon didn't go too near it.
    And she told her children quite sternly to stand back.

    TOM: Don't want you to get scrooched by mistake.

    It was well
    that she did; for when Mrs. Raccoon took her eyes off Fatty's moon and
    looked at the ground beneath it---well!

    CROW: Wait, that's no moon ...

    she jumped back so quickly that
    she knocked two of her children flat on the ground.

    CROW: It's a space station!

    A trap!

    CROW: It's a trap?!
    MIKE: Subverted expectations.

    THAT was what Mrs. Raccoon saw right in front of her.

    TOM: Sharp eyes on Mrs Raccoon.
    MIKE: She learned from that time she tried to bring home Saturn's rings.

    And Farmer Green, or his boy, or whoever it was that set the trap,

    CROW: Like there's another person in the story?
    MIKE: [ Shaking his fist ] Jasper Jay!

    hung that bright piece of TIN over the trap hoping that one of her
    family would see it and play with it---and fall into the trap.

    TOM: The trap of carrying your old-timey tintype photograph around the amusement park all day.

    was a mercy that Fatty hadn't begun knocking it about. For if he had
    he would have stepped right into the trap and it would have shut---SNAP!

    CROW: Jeez, who tries to trap a perfectly innocent Moon?

    Just like that. And there he would have been, caught fast.

    TOM: All right he'd be trapped, sure, but he'd have a Moon, too.

    It was no wonder that Mrs. Raccoon hurried her family away from
    that spot.

    CROW: What can I say? This house is falling apart.

    And Fatty led them all home again. He couldn't get away
    from his moon fast enough.

    MIKE: Leaving the trap as a little surprise for Brownie Beaver there.

    Joseph Nebus
    Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
    Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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