• MiSTing: Digimon: Digidefenders epsiode 1 [3/3]

    From JMShearer@21:1/5 to All on Thu Oct 8 23:43:12 2020
    [Break image: Poster for "J. Micheal Shearer's Theater Presents `Horkfest'." The image is on a white field with the word "Horkfest" in red letters at
    the top and a guy in a crappy suit with three giant cans of SPAM behind him, the center one parallel to the top of the poster and the other two at

    "You mean the card game?" Ryan asked reaching for the Betamon card in his >pocket.

    "Yes. When the cards are scanned into the D-4s, the data configuration
    within the card >makes the Digimon on the card bio-emerge."

    JESSE: Oh, is *that* how it works?
    TAkato: It *is* kinda how I got Guilmon.

    "You mean like this."

    JESSE: People are sure having trouble asking questions in this movie.
    GUILMON: Yeah.

    "You have a card with you, this makes things much easier. Slice it through >the >digivice."

    TAKATO: I don't think shredding the card will help things any.

    Ryan gave the Commander a weird look, but ran the card down the side of the >Digivice.

    "Ha, I knew nothing..." Mari's boast was interrupted as 0s and 1s flashed >across the >screen. The card also began flashing 0s and 1s. The card grew
    and morphed its shape. >The result was a strange amphibius-type creature
    with a horn on its head.

    JESSE: Oh, a gnarwhale.


    Name: Betamon

    JESSE: Son of Alphamon.

    Level: Rookie
    Type: Amphibius Digimon
    Attribute: Virus

    JESSE: OK, so we'll be having a *good* virus fighting off an *evil* vaccine? TAKATO: Yes.

    Attacks: Beta Slugger, Electric Shock

    Commander: For those of you who don't know, Betamon is a rookie Digimon
    with an >energy attack called the Beta Slugger. It performs admirably
    under water.

    JESSE: Ah. Betamon's more like a Midgar Solom, then.


    Betamon yawned. "Hiya," he greeted.

    "Y... you talked," Ryan gasped.

    JESSE: Now, which one's Ryan again? Is he the kid from New York?
    GUILMON: I thought the kid from New York was Rick.
    TAKATO: Well, I know Shinji's from Japan.
    JESSE: Eli's from Ethiopia, Jorge is from Brazil and Nikolai's from Russia. TAKATO: And the rest are girls.
    JESSE: Rick and Ryan must be the same person.

    "Of course I talked, can't you?" Betamon's voice sounded like a small
    boy's. Ryan carefully picked up Betamon.

    "You're real. You're really real!"

    JESSE: That would make him falsely false.

    The others were too awestruck to comment. Surprisingly, the first one to
    get their voice >back was Chi.

    JESSE: Why's that surprising?
    TAKATO: She's the shy one, I think.

    "That was incredible."

    "I knew she was telling the truth all the time," Shinji said.

    "Ryan, it's up to you and Betamon to defeat Frigimon."

    JESSE:[Commander] See what you get for coming prepared?

    "O... okay," Ryan said. "How do I get there?"

    "The same way you got here, through the Digiport."

    "You mean a Digiport really exists?"

    JESSE: Well, now, at this point, I would think that particular concept
    wouldn't be all that difficult for him, all things considered.
    TAKATO: Yeah.

    "Of course, it transforms your body into digital information and sends it
    to another >computer.

    JESSE:[reporter] OK, Commander. Now is that a *positive* thing or a
    *negative* thing?

    The process is called datalink. To access it, command the
    Digiport to open >then datalink followed by your destination."

    "Kind of like the television show," Ashley commented.

    Ryan aimed his Digivice at the computer screen while picking up Betamon and >carrying >him under his shoulder.

    TAKATO: He must have one big shoulder.
    GUILMON: Yeah.

    "Digiport open, datalink to Ontario,
    Canada." Just like before, >the screen swallowed up him.

    Ryan and Betamon materialized from a computer in an apartment building. It >was still >on but the user wasn't in the room.

    JESSE: Don't tell us he's jumped into Reboot now.
    TAKATO: I don't think so.

    "Whoa, what a rush," Ryan commented.

    "Can we go on that ride again?" Betamon asked.

    "Maybe later," Ryan replied. Seeing nobody in the apartment, Ryan picked
    up Betamon >and left.

    Chaos reigned outside. The police had set up a baracade in front of

    "Fire," the Captain commanded.

    JESSE: Hey, the captain is William Shatner!

    Bullets poured
    into Frigimon.

    "That won't work," Betamon commented.

    "How do you know?" Ryan commented.

    "Frigimon is made of data. You can't destroy data, just delete it."

    "But isn't it the same thing?"

    "No, data can't be destroyed, just reconfigured. And sometimes the >reconfigurement >results in nothing."

    "Wow, you're pretty smart for just a little guy."

    JESSE: Yeah. He seems to know alot of technobable.
    TAKATO: He sure does.

    "Thanks. Uh... what'd I say again?" Ryan sighed.

    Frigimon laughed. "What are you trying to do, tickle me?

    JESSE:[Frigimon] It'll *never* work! Mwu-hah-hah-hah!
    TAKATO:[laughs] That's great!

    Take this, Sub-Zero Ice >Punch!"

    A blast of white energy struck the cops and turned them into solid ice >statues.

    JESSE: That can't be good.

    "Stop!" Ryan called as he and Betamon stood between the frozen cops and >Frigimon.

    JESSE: And suddenly, Rick's got some serious guts, too.
    TAKATO: Yeah.

    "Ooh, what have we here, someone trying to be a hero. Well, hero, take
    this. Sub-Zero >Ice Punch!"

    "Beta Slugger!" An energy burst struck the punch and counteracted it. >Frigimon >brought his fist down to squish Betamon

    TAKATO: That's one tough bear.
    JESSE: I'd hate to get into a game of bloody knuckles with him.

    but Betamon
    rolled out of the way.

    "Betamon, why don't you digivolve?" Ryan asked not believing he was saying >that.

    "Only you can... Beta Slugger!... do that for me."


    "How should I know? Beta Slugger!" Ryan looked at his D-4. How to make >Betamon >digivolve?

    As if it could sense his question, a button on the side of the Digivice
    lite up.

    JESSE: *Lit* up is closer, I think.

    Ryan >carefully pressed it.


    Betamon's body began being coated in numerical data. The data reconfigured
    Betamon's body into a long serpentine shape.

    "Betamon, digivolve to...

    JESSE: Leviamon, perhaps?
    TAKATO: Good guess!
    JESSE: Better than you might think.



    Name: Seadramon
    Level: Champion
    Type: Aquatic Digimon
    Attribute: Data

    JESSE: Has Brent Spiner as an attribute.

    Attacks: Ice Blast, Ice Winder

    Frigimon: "It's Seadramon, Betamon's champion level. Although he can fly,
    he does his best under water."


    "I don't believe it," Ryan said for the umpteenth time. "He did it, he >digivolved."

    Seadramon slithered forward and wrapped his body around Frigimon. Frigimon >gagged.

    "Ice Blast!" Seadramon blasted Frigimon's head. The giant Digimon fell

    "Hit him one more time, Seadramon!" Ryan shouted.

    JESSE:[Britney Spears-ish] Come on, baby, hit him one more time! TAKATO:[snicker]

    "Ice Blast!" A spear of ice pierced Frigimon's head. His body dissolved
    into data which >then was absorbed into the D-4. Seadramon then turned
    back into Betamon.

    "I thought you said that data couldn't be destroyed."

    "It wasn't. It returned to the Digital plane, but not before copying
    itself into your >Digivice. Here, download it."

    JESSE: To where?

    "Download it? How?"

    "Say Digi-download Frigimon data."

    "All right. Digi-download Frigimon!" Numbers sped along the screen of
    Ryan's D-4. Betamon's body breifly flashed numbers then he glowed white.

    JESSE: OK, I guess that's where.

    "Plaw!" Betamon spat at the statues and they melted, turning back into >officers.

    "Huh, what happened?" The Captain asked.

    JESSE:[elderly Captain Picard] For a moment, it felt like I was back on the Enterprise, Geordi!

    quickly hopped into Ryan's arms >and acted very silent.

    "Hey, kid, where did it go?"

    "Where did what go?"

    "The giant polar bear."

    "I didn't see any giant polar bear."

    JESSE:[Ryan] But I did see some Martians down the block...

    "Great, how am I going to explain this to my Sergeant?"

    Ryan datalinked back to the control room. The others had watched the
    battle through a >GPS.

    "Now you see what we're up against," the Commander said. "Until the
    barrier is strong, >the Digimon will keep pouring into our world. And like >animals, Digimon out of their >own territory act hostile."

    "I'm positive that Betamon and I won... hey, where is Betamon?"

    "That's the problem with rookie-level Digimon. They don't have enough
    energy to remain in physical form. They returned to their card state."

    JESSE: What level are you, Guilmon?
    GUILMON: Rookie.
    TAKATO: Having any trouble staying in physical form?
    GUILMON: Nope.

    Ryan reached into his pocket and took out the Betamon card. The Commander >handed >him a small plastic case with a string attached. "You can keep it
    in here until it's >needed again."

    "Wait a minute." Mari stepped between Ryan and the Commander. "You're
    doing this >under the assumption that we actually care about what's >happening."

    "So you don't care about what happens to your planet if Digimon run wild >here?"

    "That's not what I mean and you know it.

    JESSE: Sorry, Mari. Alot of us may have taken it that way.

    I mean
    you take us from our homes, and >expect us to put our lives on the line for >what? If you ask me, you're some psychopath >with no regard for human
    life. You have no right to force us to put our lives on the line >for >nothing."

    TAKATO: A valid point.

    "Why that little..." Chi put a hand on Nikolai's back stopping him from >finishing the >sentence.

    "You're right, Marisa. I have no right to force you to put your lives on
    the line. So I'm >going to give you each a choice. Accept this task, or >refuse it. If you accept it, don >your D-4. If not, then hand me it and
    I'll find someone else to do it, someone willing."

    JESSE: I got five bucks for each of you that says they all do it.
    TAKATO: Even though I also think they're all in, I'll go for the sake of the five bucks.
    GUILMON: I don't have any money.

    "I'm in whether I like it or not," Ryan said as he put his D-4 on his

    JESSE: One!

    "I want to help out, so I'm in too," Chi said putting her's on.

    TAKATO: Two!

    "Me too." That came from Ashley.

    GUILMON: Three!

    "Hey, who knows, it might be fun," Nikolai said putting on his.

    JESSE: Four!

    "You have a strange definition of fun," Shinji said. "I'm in also."

    GUILMON: Five!

    "You're going to need all the help you can get," Jorge said. He donned his
    as well.

    Eli put his on without any comment.

    TAKATO: Six and seven!

    Everybody looked at Marisa. She was the only one who hadn't put hers on. >Their looks >were ones of confusion, wonder, and even a little snippity.

    JESSE: C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

    "Oh, sure, give me the guilty conscience. All right." Marisa put hers on.

    TAKATO: I guess that's all of `em... [begins searching for wallet]
    JESSE: Ah, keep it. That was an easy bet for me. Let's just say you paid
    up and go to the arcade. My treat.
    TAKATO and GUILMON: Yay!

    "Then it looks like the Digidefenders are assembled."

    JESSE: It sure does.

    [All exit theater]

    [Lobby. TAKATO, GUILMON and JESSE are waiting for HENRY and TERRIERMON and having a chat]
    TAKATO: Well, some of those jokes were OK, I guess.
    JESSE: I think so. I also took the time to work on a few impressions in
    TAKATO: Like what?
    JESSE: Well, I did the Martian from Bally's "Attack from Mars" pinball game
    a couple times in there.
    GUILMON: You did?
    TAKATO: What were they?
    JESSE: Here's the first. [growling voice] Greetings, Earthlings! Mwua-hah-hah-hah!
    TAKATO:[laughs] Just like the polar bear! What was the other one? JESSE:[growling voice] It'll *never* work!
    TAKATO:[laughing a bit harder] Got any more?
    JESSE: Sure. [cheesy news anchor] This just in! The Earth is being
    invaded... by flying saucers from Mars!
    [GUILMON is rolling on the floor with laughter; TAKATO can barely contain himself. HENRY, TERRIERMON and RIKA enter.]
    HENRY: Hey, what's got those two cracked up so much?
    JESSE: Oh, I was just doing a few silly impressions for them. Where's
    RIKA: She went to the arcade.
    HENRY: Why not do one of those impressions for us?
    JESSE: OK, I guess. I've still got one or two I haven't done yet. [cheesy
    news anchor] This just in! Reports are coming in from *all over the world*!
    The Earth is under attack! *An attack from...* uff! [JESSE goes off camera
    and we see RENAMON's head and shoulders instead. For a second or two, the
    only sounds are of JESSE getting beat up]
    RIKA: Renamon! What are you doing?!?
    HENRY: I thought you said she was at the arcade already!
    [Scene fades to black, but fight sounds can still be heard and remain for
    first part of credits]

    {{Credits. Music: "Kick in the Ass" by Moxy Fruvis}}

    Mystery Science Theater 3000 copyright Best Brains, Inc.
    Concept created by Best Brains, Inc.
    Digimon copyright Bandai and Saban.
    Ed, Edd and Eddie copyright Cartoon Network.
    Digimon: Digidefenders by Phantom 1.
    J. Michael Shearer's Theater 3000 by Jesse Shearer. email: ambasosor_lardo@hotmail.com
    "Attack from Mars" pinball game copyright Bally's Entertainment.
    "Wizard of Oz" copyright L. Frank Baum.
    Star Trek copyright Paramount.
    Sliders copyright Sci Fi Channel.
    Reboot copyright Mainfraim Productions.
    2001: A Space Odyssey copyright MGM Studios.
    Final Fantasy Seven copyright Squaresoft.
    Digimon theme music copyright Saban.
    "Kick in the Ass" copyright Moxy Fruvis.
    Reces candy produced by Mars Candy Co.
    One Night on Earth copyright its producers.
    "Frigimon is made of data. You can't destroy data, just delete it."

    "But isn't it the same thing?"

    "No, data can't be destroyed, just reconfigured. And sometimes the >reconfigurement >results in nothing."

    "Wow, you're pretty smart for just a little guy."

    "Thanks. Uh... what'd I say again?" Ryan sighed

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