Please advise of any ruffled feathers.

I recently saw the film /Greenland/ and found it not so great. Now, my
general rule of reviews is that, when a reviewer doesn't like a film,
he (or she) generally just criticizes whatever comes to hand (CGI,
acting, plot holes -- whatever). I will try to do better.

/Greenland/ is an end-of-the-world film told from the viewpoint of a
family (husband, wife, child) as they try to survive not just the
Giant Space Rock that is coming but the decaying society around them.

This sort of thing can work (well, for me, anyway). HG Well's novel,
/The War of the Worlds/, does this (for a single person, not a
family). Spielberg's movie adaptation does the same (but for a
family), and I really appreciated how much of the novel he managed to
pack in. But /Greenland/ didn't work for me, and I think these are the
actual reasons:

First, I did not connect with any of the major characters. That is, I
really did not care what happened to them. This is never a good sign.

Second, while the special effects were well-done, most of them
consisted of various Space Rocks hitting the Earth. They all looked
much the same: a streak of light, a big explosion, and (if it was one
of the larger ones) a blast wave resulted. These became so similar
that I empathized with the people throwing a party while watching a
series of the smaller Space Rocks demolish neighborhoods. We do see
The Big One hit at the end, and then it's a race to the shelters (see
below).

There was an exception: the "rocks" came down and set cars on fire.
This was very effective because the cars were driving about trying to
escape at the time. The problem here is, of course, that these
couldn't have been "rocks" or they would have pulverized the cars.
This were Very Small Pebbles, and they worked exactly as Lava Bombs
did in other films. Still, it was fun (to watch, not to be in) while
it lasted.

Third, Homeland Security guarantees our family a place on a plane for evacuation to an unspecified destination (hint: name of film) where,
it turns out, they will be stashed in leftover bomb shelters to
survive The Big One. There is just one minor problem: the guarantee
was not honored because the child was diabetic, and no sickies were
allowed. So why did they pick the family in the first place? Well,
clearly, because otherwise /there wouldn't be a movie/.

Finally, after seeing The Big One impact, our family and friends are
rushed into the ancient-but-presumably-refurbished bomb shelter. This
is a scene we have seen before (in /Mockingjay 1/ and /War Games/, for example): a bunch of people running, a disembodied voice counting down
to the point where the Really Big Door must close, people urging them
along, etc, etc. It's all there and it works -- up to the point where
we expect to /see/ the Really Big Door, that is; because we don't.

Don't see the Really Big Door, that is. And that, I think, is the
underlying problem with the film: it just doesn't deliver on it's
promises. They've studied other films (/Deep Impact/ and /2012/ are
two I recognized) and pulled out the bits they wanted and (I want to
be clear about this) crafted a perfectly fine story from them, but the
stuff those bits lead to in the originals is noticeably (and
annoyingly) missing here.

One might almost say that the film itself is missing, without
exaggerating too much.
--
"I begin to envy Petronius."
"I have envied him long since."

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