SNOWPIERCER (2013)

A film review by Emily L. Corse
Copyright 2014

I loved Joon-ho Bong's THE HOST, right? So when I saw that his most recent movie rated 97% from "top critics" on Rotten Tomatoes, I figured it was a
sure thing.

Ha.

What a foul piece of dreck. I can't even understand what the freaking
critics are talking about:

"A formidable... epic, SNOWPIERCER is a dystopian moral parable about
survivors of a second ice age that wipes out virtually all humanity." (Philadelphia Inquirer)

"Subtlety may not be the film's strong suit, but it creates a richly
imagined world, as glitteringly arresting as it is savagely merciless." (Washington Post)

"The best action film of 2014, and probably the best film, period."
(Salon.com)

"ect ect ect."
(Nigel Molesworth)

It looks exactly like *every other* freaking filmic dystopia I've seen in
the last 30 years. Yes: dirty, poor people, dressed in rags, eating shit.
Yes: bizarrely-dressed rich perverts concocting elaborate social constructs
to torture and exploit the raggedy Anns and Andys.

Here's the twist... Bong adds a layer of the classic 1994 actioner SPEED. Nobody expected that! Sadly, he couldn't find a pretty boy with quite as
little acting ability as Keanu Reeves, so he had to settle for the cute,
clean, but execrable Johnny Flame.

Some reviewers mentioned that SNOWPIERCER was a "breath of fresh air" for
movie goers numbed by special effects. Ah. Yes. This film reverts to THE THIRTY-NINE STEPS style of model villages and trains in the snow. Quaint!
And it's true that nobody dies by a sterile spaceman laser... No, they are bludgeoned and hacked to death in long, long scenes of manly hand-to-hand combat. Obviously, cudgels and hatchets are exhilarating and artistic. I
could have watched hours more of that artsy bludgeoning.

And the theme--the parable, if you will--is also *exactly* the same as in
every other dystopia, including ANIMAL FARM and THE HUNGER GAMES. WTW.

And one might think, oh, that suburban, middle-aged mom. She's never had
the cojones to appreciate testosterone art. And that may be true. But why
then did I love THE HOST and DISTRICT 9 and ATTACK THE BLOCK?

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