On Mon, 27 Aug 2018 23:05:29 -0400, Joy Beeson
<jbeeson@invalid.net.invalid> wrote:
On Mon, 27 Aug 2018 11:21:01 -0500, NoReplies@jymes.com wrote:
I should have also added that this is a job interview -- did that come
across at all, or do I have to be more blunt about it?
Felt like a job interview to me. At the least, it's clear that he
wants to make a good impression and something undesirable will happen
if he doesn't.
Thanks! That's the vibe I was seeking. Maybe I just need to make it a
little more blatant in some subtle way.
Late to the party...yep, I read it as a job interview.
Is there more? I'm fascinated!
On 03 Jan 2019 Jake Jones <Jakejones7455@hotmail.com> wrote:
Late to the party...yep, I read it as a job interview.
Is there more? I'm fascinated!
Thanks!
There's the rest of this chapter, one chapter more which is
supposedly finished, and a strong hint of things to come, but I've
deleted so much, I'm thinking of just starting over from scratch
if/when the muse ever decides to get over her huff and come back
(yes, I tell her, I could put in a chorus line of elephants wearing tiger-print leggings and purple feather boas, but this early in the
story, it'd be too big a reveal).
But in your world words can have furniture destroying effects?
Also, I think "To help himself concentrate, Jeremy gripped..." might
work better, just in case someone has the attention span of a snowflake
in the sahara and would end up thinking it means to help the man
thinking. :)
I wonder what a synth-sur formative is.
if/when the muse ever decides to get over her huff and come back
(yes, I tell her, I could put in a chorus line of elephants wearing
tiger-print leggings and purple feather boas, but this early in the
story, it'd be too big a reveal).
Your muse is in a huff, and would return for such an... unusual event in
your story? :)
How did she get into that huff?
On 11 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
But in your world words can have furniture destroying effects?
It's the voice-activation part of a trigger. When I tried to explain
it in the story, it took four boring paragraphs (which is why so much
of this wsip has been erased and started over).
Also, I think "To help himself concentrate, Jeremy gripped..." might
work better, just in case someone has the attention span of a
snowflake in the sahara and would end up thinking it means to help
the man thinking. :)
Yeah. I tend to edit out names as much as possible because of some long-long-ago absorbed advice against name repetition. I probably
shouldn't have edited it out here.
I wonder what a synth-sur formative is.
That makes two of us! Synth is for the synesthesia effect. The
formative is the structure of the pressures applied to change the
nature of something instead of substiuting/adding parts. The sur is
because it needed something to make it sound like tech lingo.
Your muse is in a huff, and would return for such an... unusual
event in your story? :)
How did she get into that huff?
She wanted to make the synth-sur effect the main part of the story. I
was afraid she'd lead me into the middle of a swamp and leave me
there (as she's done before). My refusing to follow blindly upset
her. ;)
On 12.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
so much of this wsip has been erased and started over).
I understand that. There's things I want to tell, but sometimes reading
it bores even me.
(What's the S in wsip?)
I have a general quirk about not repeating stuff, not just names.
("Said" is not invisible! :) )
I wonder what a synth-sur formative is.
That makes two of us! Synth is for the synesthesia effect. The
formative is the structure of the pressures applied to change the
nature of something instead of substiuting/adding parts. The sur is
because it needed something to make it sound like tech lingo.
Ah. Makes sense. :) (And I can even follow that without getting a
headache!)
How did she get into that huff?
She wanted to make the synth-sur effect the main part of the story. I
was afraid she'd lead me into the middle of a swamp and leave me
there (as she's done before). My refusing to follow blindly upset
her. ;)
Oh dear.
If she were a character I'd fire her and make up a new one. :) (Unless
she's supposed to be one of the not good guys.)
On 12 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
On 12.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
so much of this wsip has been erased and started over).
I understand that. There's things I want to tell, but sometimes
reading it bores even me.
(What's the S in wsip?)
Supposedly
I have a general quirk about not repeating stuff, not just names.
("Said" is not invisible! :) )
Oh, don't I know it! The 'cure' is to not assign dialogue, but I am
terrified of going more than two or three short lines before shoving
a 'he said' in there. I think it's because there are so many places
in "The Count of Monte Cristo" (one of my favorite books) where I
have to stop reading and go back to step off which person is talking.
How did she get into that huff?
She wanted to make the synth-sur effect the main part of the story.
I was afraid she'd lead me into the middle of a swamp and leave me
there (as she's done before). My refusing to follow blindly upset
her. ;)
Oh dear.
If she were a character I'd fire her and make up a new one. :)
(Unless she's supposed to be one of the not good guys.)
I'm very much: write-it-down-as-it-comes without worrying about where
the story is going (never could work from an outline). But even I
recognized all I was doing was painting pretty word pictures. If the
story was going to actually be about something, it has to come from a different part of my brain, at least at this point.
On 14.01.19, NoReplies@jymes.com <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
On 12 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
(What's the S in wsip?)
Supposedly
LOL. :)
Ishuun looked down at the waves washing around him. The Water Lord was >sitting on the beach with Tharoan and Erian, close enough so they didn't
have to shout while the Summer Lord sat on dry ground, with the help of
a little magic. "We are ever colder with each generation." he said after
a while. "Where you were drying out, we fade."
On 14 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
On 14.01.19, NoReplies@jymes.com <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
On 12 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
(What's the S in wsip?)
Supposedly
LOL. :)
It's only funny if you can relate to it. ;)
Ishuun looked down at the waves washing around him. The Water Lord
was sitting on the beach with Tharoan and Erian, close enough so
they didn't have to shout while the Summer Lord sat on dry ground,
with the help of a little magic. "We are ever colder with each
generation." he said after a while. "Where you were drying out, we
fade."
I had to glance back to pick up on who might be the 'he.'
I've been known to really back myself into a corner. One story I
really should go back and work on someday has scenes taking place in
a cellar at midnight.
Windows, if there are any, are shrouded. The four people who regularly
meet there are slightly more paranoid about being identified than they
are curious as to who their fellow conspirators might be.
They're named according to type of voice: the one who talks with
authority is 'the master,' there is an older one, and one who speaks
in a higher-pitch. The one who's always a little late is 'the
fourth.'
*****
Speaking of writing without knowing where the story is going -- I was
on a roll, and that last line was typed in before I realized it meant
someone was spying on them.
Do you enjoy rereading your stuff, or is it a chore? Me, I only write to
have something to read that I like, so naturally I like rereading, and
polish as I do that.
They're named according to type of voice: the one who talks with
authority is 'the master,' there is an older one, and one who speaks
in a higher-pitch. The one who's always a little late is 'the
fourth.'
I like that bit, want to know more. :) And it works with the
identifiers.
Dasca shook her head. "You smell dark. Gorash and Ansin and Jodra smell
cold, but not unpleasant like that snow. Tashen smells clear, straight, >forceful." She shrugged.
Oh, it just occurs to me, you have odd things with senses, too, just in
a completely different way. :)
If any of that had been deliberate I'd suggest that maybe it's fun to
play with senses, but as it is, only so in retrospect. :)
On 15 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
Do you enjoy rereading your stuff, or is it a chore? Me, I only
write to have something to read that I like, so naturally I like
rereading, and polish as I do that.
The good parts, yeah. The parts I had to work on and which still show
the tool marks, no.
They're named according to type of voice: the one who talks with
authority is 'the master,' there is an older one, and one who
speaks in a higher-pitch. The one who's always a little late is
'the fourth.'
I like that bit, want to know more. :) And it works with the
identifiers.
Thanks! It's one of those where my critical mind didn't exactly
approve of what my muse->aft-brain->fingers symbiote was typing, but
it was better than trying to hack out an alternative.
Dasca shook her head. "You smell dark. Gorash and Ansin and Jodra
smell cold, but not unpleasant like that snow. Tashen smells clear,
straight, forceful." She shrugged.
I'm wondering why the cold of snow smells unpleasant. Is that because
it's a purely physical thing?
Oh, it just occurs to me, you have odd things with senses, too, just
in a completely different way. :)
If any of that had been deliberate I'd suggest that maybe it's fun
to play with senses, but as it is, only so in retrospect. :)
In a way, the whole basis of my wsip is senses, or rather,
perception.
The corporation hiring the guy is a loose confederation of people who
are studying a spectrum which is much like the electromagnetic
spectrum in general terms but is yet very different in use and
application.
The synth-sur formative is an example: it alters a person's
perception of reality. Or it alters reality in their specific
location (they're not in absolute agreement which it is).
An example: one of the women interviewing him says:
*****
"Mr. Wildepad, please describe me."
The CEO later explains: "Some people are, for lack of a better term, 'immune.' Gloria wears a virtual mask which makes people see her as a
redhead in her twenties. The force Benedict employed should have
completely altered your reality."
On Tue, 15 Jan 2019 08:10:00 +0100, "A. Tina Hall"
<A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
Do you enjoy rereading your stuff, or is it a chore? Me, I only write to >>have something to read that I like, so naturally I like rereading, and >>polish as I do that.
The good parts, yeah. The parts I had to work on and which still show
the tool marks, no.
They're named according to type of voice: the one who talks with
authority is 'the master,' there is an older one, and one who speaks
in a higher-pitch. The one who's always a little late is 'the
fourth.'
I like that bit, want to know more. :) And it works with the
identifiers.
Thanks! It's one of those where my critical mind didn't exactly
approve of what my muse->aft-brain->fingers symbiote was typing, but
it was better than trying to hack out an alternative.
Dasca shook her head. "You smell dark. Gorash and Ansin and Jodra smell >>cold, but not unpleasant like that snow. Tashen smells clear, straight, >>forceful." She shrugged.
I'm wondering why the cold of snow smells unpleasant. Is that because
it's a purely physical thing?
Oh, it just occurs to me, you have odd things with senses, too, just in
a completely different way. :)
If any of that had been deliberate I'd suggest that maybe it's fun to
play with senses, but as it is, only so in retrospect. :)
In a way, the whole basis of my wsip is senses, or rather, perception.
The corporation hiring the guy is a loose confederation of people who
are studying a spectrum which is much like the electromagnetic
spectrum in general terms but is yet very different in use and
application.
The synth-sur formative is an example: it alters a person's perception
of reality. Or it alters reality in their specific location (they're
not in absolute agreement which it is).
An example: one of the women interviewing him says:
*****
"Mr. Wildepad, please describe me."
"What?"
"My physical appearance. What would you tell the police if they asked
for a description?"
"Blond hair, shoulder-length, straight," he said, wondering how it
could be important. "You're wearing a man's black retro-1950s business
suit with a white shirt and dark blue tie. I haven't seen you
standing, but I'd say you're a little taller than average."
She made a mark on the paper. "Facial features? Any moles, scars,
birthmarks? Signs of aging?"
"I can't see any blemishes." He tried to think of the polite word for >wrinkles. "Laugh lines. Yes, laugh lines around your eyes and mouth."
"Is he right?" Benedict asked.
"As close as you might expect someone to say under the circumstances."
*****
The CEO later explains: "Some people are, for lack of a better term, >'immune.' Gloria wears a virtual mask which makes people see her as a
redhead in her twenties. The force Benedict employed should have
completely altered your reality."
On 17.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
I'm wondering why the cold of snow smells unpleasant. Is that because
it's a purely physical thing?
Reading over it again, I ever more notice what you mean though. I think
I'll change it to 'but it's not unpleasant like that snow'.
Think that'd work?
The corporation hiring the guy is a loose confederation of people who
are studying a spectrum which is much like the electromagnetic
spectrum in general terms but is yet very different in use and
application.
And it can be manipulated with words, if I understood this right?
The synth-sur formative is an example: it alters a person's
perception of reality. Or it alters reality in their specific
location (they're not in absolute agreement which it is).
I wonder if you can't measure that. Or put up a camera. :)
The CEO later explains: "Some people are, for lack of a better term,
'immune.' Gloria wears a virtual mask which makes people see her as a
redhead in her twenties. The force Benedict employed should have
completely altered your reality."
Should it have altered what he sees of her, or should it have broken the >immunity, or is it unrelated to what she looks like?
Interesting. I'd read the next page.
On 17 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
On 17.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
I'm wondering why the cold of snow smells unpleasant. Is that
because it's a purely physical thing?
Reading over it again, I ever more notice what you mean though. I
think I'll change it to 'but it's not unpleasant like that snow'.
Think that'd work?
Going out on a limb here . . . could it be that snow is a lifeless
cold, and that's what they find offensive?
The corporation hiring the guy is a loose confederation of people
who are studying a spectrum which is much like the electromagnetic
spectrum in general terms but is yet very different in use and
application.
And it can be manipulated with words, if I understood this right?
It's like charging a capacitor to maximum and letting it sit,
undisturbed and at full power, until a specific combination of sound
and magnetic fields topples a wire which drops across the poles,
making it discharge all its power in an instant..
You can only sidetrack a tiny amount of force, but the longer you
divert it, the more it accumulates, like a 0.6 milliamp solar cell
fully charging a 10kVA battery if you let it sit long enough.
The synth-sur formative is an example: it alters a person's
perception of reality. Or it alters reality in their specific
location (they're not in absolute agreement which it is).
I wonder if you can't measure that. Or put up a camera. :)
Parallel it to 18th Century research into electricity -- they know
something is there, but it's still mostly a mystery. About the only
thing they can do is poke it, see how it reacts, and try to work that reaction into their theories. They've done enough to establish some cause-and-effect scenarios, so they can use it, after a fashion, for
a few little things, and it usually works.
Should it have altered what he sees of her, or should it have broken
the immunity, or is it unrelated to what she looks like?
That he sees her as she really is and the ssf didn't disable him are
both proofs of his immunity. (The brief flicker he experienced
contributes to the idea that reality is being changed locally, and
what he saw/smelled/tasted was the air/dust motes around him being
affected.)
Maybe the best thing is to just post the first chapter (I know this
breaks forum rules about length, but I think the current bandwidth
can sustain it).
There are several versions; this is probably the least messed-with:[...]
*****
"Anything," he said. "As long as the instructions are clear, I'll do
my best, even if I don't know why I'm doing it. I understand it might
be a long time before you trust me with any sensitive information."
Jeremy took a deep breath. He thought of two options: this was an
elaborate psychological test, or these people belonged in a mental
ward.
Before he could think of what to say to that, Gloria spoke up. "He
thinks we're insane."
"Have you learned how to read minds?" the CEO asked.
"I can read the look on his face."
"Does it matter?" Benedict asked. "He is willing to do what we ask in exchange for a paycheck. We need nothing more than that."
"I agree," the CEO said. "Mr. Wildepad, setting aside whatever you
believe, we are prepared to establish you in business as an
independent consultant. We will be your sole client. You are to never
reveal your connection to this company or its personnel. You will
perform any task we require, as long as it is within your physical
and mental abilities. In return, we will provide a suitable office, a generous expense account, and an income several times larger than you
could hope to earn elsewhere."
*****
In the next chapter, he goes on his first mission (sitting on a park
bench with someone while watching for large birds) and meets another
employee who doesn't know, and doesn't want to know, anything about
the company's activities.
On 19.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
On 17 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
And it can be manipulated with words, if I understood this right?
It's like charging a capacitor to maximum and letting it sit,
undisturbed and at full power, until a specific combination of sound
and magnetic fields topples a wire which drops across the poles,
making it discharge all its power in an instant..
Ah. Wouldn't that be a short circuit? :)
Parallel it to 18th Century research into electricity -- they know
something is there, but it's still mostly a mystery. About the only
thing they can do is poke it, see how it reacts, and try to work that
reaction into their theories. They've done enough to establish some
cause-and-effect scenarios, so they can use it, after a fashion, for
a few little things, and it usually works.
In the quote you added below, a tablet is mentioned though, and laptops >exist. That suggests they can take photos, no? They could show whether >reality was altered, or not (and then it's just perception). Unless the >effect would be caught on film to affect whoever watches it.
*****[...]
"Anything," he said. "As long as the instructions are clear, I'll do
my best, even if I don't know why I'm doing it. I understand it might
be a long time before you trust me with any sensitive information."
What about possible injuries?
Jeremy took a deep breath. He thought of two options: this was an
elaborate psychological test, or these people belonged in a mental
ward.
Was the thing he felt at the beginning not odd enough to give the people
the benefit of the doubt? :) (I could accept that that was lost in >nervousness, though.)
Before he could think of what to say to that, Gloria spoke up. "He
thinks we're insane."
"Have you learned how to read minds?" the CEO asked.
"I can read the look on his face."
LOL. :)
I wonder again about not injuring or maiming him (I'd add that as
guarantee if it were true).
Again, if you want a betareader (I'll stick to what you want commented
on, I would just need a list, if you want to), let me know.
What about possible injuries?
Not likely unless someone wants to use him as a test subject, and he's
far too valuable to them for that.
On 19 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
Ah. Wouldn't that be a short circuit? :)
With a large capacitor, it's a fairly spectacular short circuit! The
air is ionized, allowing sparks to jump in all directions.
In the quote you added below, a tablet is mentioned though, and
laptops exist. That suggests they can take photos, no? They could
show whether reality was altered, or not (and then it's just
perception). Unless the effect would be caught on film to affect
whoever watches it.
This is set in modern day.
If a camera is within the field, is it accurately recording a
distorted reality or is it recording its distorted perception of
reality?
If it's outside the field, it's only going to record the perception
of normal reality, no matter how distorted the target's reality is.
It's like printing a word with really tall, skinny letters. Seen
straight on, it's distorted; seen at a steep angle, it looks normal.
When you're in a normal area, you always see things in a way that
make them look normal.
What about possible injuries?
Not likely unless someone wants to use him as a test subject, and
he's far too valuable to them for that.
I wonder again about not injuring or maiming him (I'd add that as
guarantee if it were true).
He is something of an outsider, and they're all psychopaths, but he's
also a valuable asset, sort of a one-person control group. I'm sure
some danger will creep up (it wouldn't be much a story without some
sort of risk), but it'll likely be unintentional. Keep in mind, they
have plenty of money, so if he lives, he'll be adequately
compensated.
Again, if you want a betareader (I'll stick to what you want
commented on, I would just need a list, if you want to), let me
know.
Thanks for the offer, but I generally only let people see a completed
work when they're in a position to give me money. Segments I'm
struggling with, yes, I'll take all the help I can get, but for a
completed work, the only approval/disapproval which is meaningful to
me is whether they'll sign a check. ;)
(Not to mention that one of them tried to cause him serious injury
during the interview.)
On 20.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
If a camera is within the field, is it accurately recording a
distorted reality or is it recording its distorted perception of
reality?
That's what I wonder, or suggest you could have your scientists wonder.
What about possible injuries?
Not likely unless someone wants to use him as a test subject, and
he's far too valuable to them for that.
Like Joy said, he doesn't know that. :)
I'm thinking about having the possibility/exclusion of it covered in the
job offer and contract, not asking you as writer about it. :)
Was just an offer though. I'd certainly like a betareader. :)
On 20 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
On 20.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
If a camera is within the field, is it accurately recording a
distorted reality or is it recording its distorted perception of
reality?
That's what I wonder, or suggest you could have your scientists
wonder.
I have this intense feeling that the more I explain, the deeper the
hole I'm digging.
I see the need to keep up the "we're early researchers and don't have
any solid answers yet" vibe. I suspect that's going to be a main
turning point in the plot.
It's almost like they're at the "we built this Wimshurst machine and
can make pretty sparks" level, and you're asking how they measure
attenuation of radio waves in a non-ferrous inductor.
What about possible injuries?
Not likely unless someone wants to use him as a test subject, and
he's far too valuable to them for that.
Like Joy said, he doesn't know that. :)
You may want to read my response to her.
I'm thinking about having the possibility/exclusion of it covered in
the job offer and contract, not asking you as writer about it. :)
A lot of that, from my point of view, is covered by the fact they
have lawyers to set everything up.
Since it's not mentioned in the story, he must not have noticed any particular emphasis in the contract on the risks he faces.
Was just an offer though. I'd certainly like a betareader. :)
I would offer, but I'm a terrible betareader because if I get caught
up in the characters, I miss all sorts of plot holes, bad pacing,
etc. because I lose sight of how the story is being told, and if I
don't get swept away, all I see are poofreading errors and don't
notice the pygmy mentalist in chapter two is a flat-footed Martian
cop by chapter nine.
Right now I'm reading through the books again and hope I'll get and keep
some momentum to pour some text into the third one. :)
On 21 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
Right now I'm reading through the books again and hope I'll get and
keep some momentum to pour some text into the third one. :)
A while ago, I stopped submitting a ms. to agents and decided to
change the couple of things people said might be putting agents off
-- too long (120K words), and two of the main characters are demons.
Since they're very non-typical demons, I can change them to trolls,
and I'm sure losing a few scenes wouldn't destroy the story.
A quick check shows I haven't touched it since 12/15.
A novel which I am/was writing only because it's the type of thing I
really want to read stalled out on one scene and hasn't seen progress
of any kind since 02/16.
The story discussed here was started wish some seriousness in approx.
7/16 and now sits at the 'maybe two acceptable chapters' stage.
What is this "momentum" of which you speak?
[Flying]
"Why can't the wizards do this?" Thay asked.
"Because you can't lift yourself, of course." Viroces returned.
He laughed. "Makes sense." -- Seasons & Elements 3/3
On Tue, 22 Jan 2019 07:49:00 +0100, "A. Tina Hall"
<A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
[Flying]
"Why can't the wizards do this?" Thay asked.
"Because you can't lift yourself, of course." Viroces returned.
He laughed. "Makes sense." -- Seasons & Elements 3/3
Reminds me of the story I'll remember the name of right after clicking >"send", set on a planet settled by a wealthy man who wanted to create
a permanent SCA encampment, who accidentally selected his settlers for
latent genes for magic.
What the quote reminded me of was that some kinds of magicians could
fly, but witches could only levitate objects -- so they rode brooms.
On Tue, 22 Jan 2019 07:49:00 +0100, "A. Tina Hall"
<A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
[Flying]
"Why can't the wizards do this?" Thay asked.
"Because you can't lift yourself, of course." Viroces returned.
He laughed. "Makes sense." -- Seasons & Elements 3/3
Reminds me of the story I'll remember the name of right after clicking >"send", set on a planet settled by a wealthy man who wanted to create
a permanent SCA encampment, who accidentally selected his settlers for
latent genes for magic.
What the quote reminded me of was that some kinds of magicians could
fly, but witches could only levitate objects -- so they rode brooms.
On 22.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
On 21 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
A while ago, I stopped submitting a ms. to agents and decided to
change the couple of things people said might be putting agents off
-- too long (120K words), and two of the main characters are demons.
Mind, I've given up on published books being what I want to read, so I'm
not exactly reflecting potential customers, but for me, longer = better,
and without further info, demons as main characters makes it more >interesting.
For me, trolls aren't really interesting at all. :)
What manuscripts did you submit, it must have been something finished,
no?
Oh, if we're listing stories that only got started, I can offer 15 or
more. :)
Initially I wrote the first two books (and a bit of the third) of the
Seasons & Elements trilogy in relatively short time, pretty much in one
go.
Then 6 books of the Magic Earth series (around 130k words on average per >book, though it varies a bit) also in one go, right to the point where I
knew that's the end of the story!
Added more text over the years, now there's a 7th, and a Steam friend
that read them says it should be part of the series (it does tie up some >loose ends, like getting rid of the evil overlords - which the initial
story wasn't about).
They got rolling, got momentum. :)
On 22 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
On 22.01.19, Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
A while ago, I stopped submitting a ms. to agents and decided to
change the couple of things people said might be putting agents off
-- too long (120K words), and two of the main characters are
demons.
Mind, I've given up on published books being what I want to read, so
I'm not exactly reflecting potential customers, but for me, longer =
better, and without further info, demons as main characters makes it
more interesting.
The 'level' of my writing is considered suitable for YA fiction
(still haven't worked out if that's a compliment or a denunciation).
According to more than one source in the trade, having a demon
severely limits a book's potential because of the obvious link to
Satanism. Evil, pit-dwelling, soul-eating folk, fine, but the name
'demon' stigmatizes them.
I can't pull off making up a word, and I can't find anything
reasonably close in mythology.
For me, trolls aren't really interesting at all. :)
Yeah, but it's just a name. The fact that they come from the roots of mountains is about the only parallel to the standard troll.
What manuscripts did you submit, it must have been something
finished, no?
I have two which are truly submissable, and two which I could submit
hoping there'd be enough of a delay between a request for sample
chapters and a demand for the full text that I could whip them into
shape.
Everything else ranges from a couple of chapters to a lot of words
but the plot isn't really kicking in yet.
Added more text over the years, now there's a 7th, and a Steam
friend that read them says it should be part of the series (it does
tie up some loose ends, like getting rid of the evil overlords -
which the initial story wasn't about).
They got rolling, got momentum. :)
I'm sorry, but I don't recognize your name (except from here). Have
you had any of these published? Where can I buy them?
On 22 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
[Flying]
"Why can't the wizards do this?" Thay asked.
"Because you can't lift yourself, of course." Viroces returned.
He laughed. "Makes sense." -- Seasons & Elements 3/3
Reminds me of the story I'll remember the name of right after
clicking "send", set on a planet settled by a wealthy man who wanted
to create a permanent SCA encampment, who accidentally selected his
settlers for latent genes for magic.
What the quote reminded me of was that some kinds of magicians could
fly, but witches could only levitate objects -- so they rode brooms.
Was this the series by Christopher Stasheff? If so, no wonder
you forgot it. It was pretty bad.
On 23.01.19, Joy Beeson <jbeeson@invalid.net.invalid> wrote:
On 22 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
[Flying]
"Why can't the wizards do this?" Thay asked.
"Because you can't lift yourself, of course." Viroces returned.
He laughed. "Makes sense." -- Seasons & Elements 3/3
Reminds me of the story I'll remember the name of right after
clicking "send", set on a planet settled by a wealthy man who wanted
to create a permanent SCA encampment, who accidentally selected his
settlers for latent genes for magic.
What the quote reminded me of was that some kinds of magicians could
fly, but witches could only levitate objects -- so they rode brooms.
Heh, interesting, and a nice way to explain why witches would ride
brooms. Though I can't remember any particular cliche/trope/theme/(what
is the right term anyway?) for flying magicians.
My quote is more typical Magic tribe. :) It's right after an Air Lord
showed the viewpoint (he now has Air magic too) how to fly. (The males
of this species have wings.)
The Fire tribe has special terms for the other tribes - some who grew up >there took them along - and 'wizard' is what they call people from the
Magic tribe.
Had to look up SCA, found "Society for Creative Anachronism", hope that
is what you mean. :) (Seems to fit the context.)
On Wed, 23 Jan 2019 05:21:37 GMT, djheydt@kithrup.com (Dorothy J
Heydt) wrote:
Was this the series by Christopher Stasheff? If so, no wonder
you forgot it. It was pretty bad.
That was it! I expect Wikipedia would tell me the name of the series
if I cared.
I rather liked it, but it didn't take many volumes to wear out the
premise.
What about possible injuries?
I'm suggesting you put something into
the actual story text.
"My work is intense," he said. "The amount of concentration needed is
nearly unbearable. It's also compelling. Imagine looking at the very
core of pure beauty, and when you nudge it, it becomes a thousand
times more vivid. It draws you in, and before you realize it, you're
down the rabbit hole, asking the hatter for tea." He rubbed his
temples and bent his head back. "I have to come to a place like this
every so often, immerse myself in simple reality. People who don't . .
. it doesn't bear thinking about." He lowered his head and looked
around the park. "You're my escort, keeping me safe on these little >excursions."
In article <haiq4ehrdoetnouolrivpor4p9v53s0d9d@4ax.com>,
Capuchin <NoReplies@jymes.com> wrote:
"My work is intense," he said. "The amount of concentration needed is >>nearly unbearable. It's also compelling. Imagine looking at the very
core of pure beauty, and when you nudge it, it becomes a thousand
times more vivid. It draws you in, and before you realize it, you're
down the rabbit hole, asking the hatter for tea." He rubbed his
temples and bent his head back. "I have to come to a place like this
every so often, immerse myself in simple reality. People who don't . .
. it doesn't bear thinking about." He lowered his head and looked
around the park. "You're my escort, keeping me safe on these little >>excursions."
This is a good paragraph.
And it's beginning to sound very interesting.
On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:29:15 -0000 (UTC), Johnny Tindalos <JamaisVu@UnrealEmail.arg> wrote:
"Enough!" the CEO said. He looked sternly at the woman, then atfingers, looking very much like a man having to do a disagreeable
Benedict, before turning back to Jeremy. "I apologize. My colleagues
do not enjoy working together. This can cause dissent and an
occasional disregard for rules." After touching his tablet to make it
go dark and pushing it away from him, he sat back and steepled his >
task. "You sensed a force which my associate manipulated. It was quite inappropriate for him to do so without your knowledge and consent. He
will compensate you for the distress. It has, however, told us much of
what we need to know."
*****
(Extra points if you spot the worst clunker in that paragraph which I
dearly want to change but don't know how to without giving it an undue number of words!)
Don't get me wrong -- these people are psychopaths without the usual
charm, but this isn't a good example of that.
After touching his tablet to make it
go dark and pushing it away from him, he sat back and steepled his
fingers, looking very much like a man having to do a disagreeable
task.
Thunderbird now seems to have followup and Reply as separate links. I
guess I originally posted this to noreplies@jymes.com
On 8/29/2018 10:56 AM, Capuchin wrote:
"Enough!" the CEO said. He looked sternly at the woman, then atfingers, looking very much like a man having to do a disagreeable
Benedict, before turning back to Jeremy. "I apologize. My colleagues
do not enjoy working together. This can cause dissent and an
occasional disregard for rules." After touching his tablet to make it
go dark and pushing it away from him, he sat back and steepled his >
task. "You sensed a force which my associate manipulated. It was quite inappropriate for him to do so without your knowledge and consent. He
will compensate you for the distress. It has, however, told us much of
what we need to know."
Are you naming chapters? call chapter 1 something like "The Job Hunt,"
or "HR by Committee" I started to write "the interview," but that left
out the job part.
As a job seeker, I'd be off-put by the Committee's unprofessional
approach. If the main character doesn't develop some positive emotional >response to somebody, then his signing up seems unlikely. Unless he's
an habitual victim, or is investigating the situation himself.
I was bugged by:
After touching his tablet to make it
go dark and pushing it away from him, he sat back and steepled his
fingers, looking very much like a man having to do a disagreeable
task.
I suppose I should have left this response to die, but I'm still trying
to relarn me way aroun'.
On 21 Jan 2019 "A. Tina Hall" <A_Tina_Hall@kruemel.org> wrote:
What about possible injuries?
I'm suggesting you put something into the actual story text.
Done!
It might not be splendid, inspired, or inspiring prose, but it
actually is a little better than what I had.
When he's on his first assignment:
*****
*****
Crits and comments are always welcome.
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