Wow! That Was the Worst "Vanderpump Rules" Episode Ever
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All on Wed Feb 28 04:38:50 2024
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It’s time for a Vanderpump vacation. Often the highlight of the season, the cast trip is a time for the group to come together with no distractions in a gorgeous location and let the season’s drama explode. So far, that has not
been the case on Vanderpump Rules’ Lake Tahoe trip. It’s quite the opposite, really, as this was easily the worst episode of the season.
It seems no one wants to work anymore, letting the Scandoval serve as the
only real plot this season. That might have worked if Ariana were willing to engage in any way with Sandoval, or if Rachel returned to the show. But
neither of those things are happening. Instead, we’ve gotten an episode so pedestrian it begs the question: Did the Scandoval save Vanderpump Rules or irreconcilably break it?
That’s dramatic—and next week’s enticing promo gives hope to the contrary—but it’s the question I’ll ask all season, hoping the show can prove me wrong.
This week’s episode picks up with James, who’s excited to be reunited with Rachel…’s dog Graham. And sure, you can say he’s totally over Rachel, and
it’s not weird at all for him to take the dog in, but it is kind of weird,
for both Rachel and Ally. Given that Rachel put herself in treatment for months, the narrative that she abandoned this dog and James is its rightful owner doesn’t really sit well.
While in treatment, Rachel left the dog with her mother, and they later
decided to rehome him due to aggressive behavior, she revealed, contradicting Lisa Vanderpump’s story that the dog ended up in a kill shelter. Rachel also claims that Lisa purposely went and adopted the dog and returned it to James
in an attempt to lure her back to the show.
The fact this is the second time on Bravo Lisa’s been involved in a scandal where she claims she saved a dog from a kill shelter, but the dog’s previous owner disagrees with that, is kind of hilarious. Lisa is everything she’s
ever been accused of—and more—and that’s why she’s been on reality TV for 15 years.
James has also decided to rename the dog Hippie. I don’t know a lot about dog name ethics, but is this normal? Can you just rename dogs years into their
life with no repercussions?
Meanwhile, trip skippers Ariana and Katie talk about that sandwich shop
again. No, it’s still not open, and that’s the only update you’re getting
from me. The fact these ladies sat out the cast trip for a sandwich shop made out of straw is so incredulous. Go to Tahoe and make Sandoval squirm, Ariana! Don’t forfeit the match.
While shopping for the trip with Sandoval, Tom Schwartz gets a Google alert revealing Rachel’s choice to go by her birth name, as well as the news that she’s out of treatment. This isn’t news to Sandoval, though, who realized she was back on the grid when his iMessage to her sent. However, lovestruck Sandoval hasn’t been able to get through to her, his calls all going to voicemail. This poor girl’s voicemail is full of sad sack Sandoval messages
and ominous inquiries from Dictator Vanderpump.
Before she can leave for the trip, Scheana needs to shop for a new swimsuit, and a new sitter. Scheana’s still anxious to leave her daughter for multiple days, but thankfully she has a loving husband there to ease her. Brock thinks she should suck it up and stop being so annoying, and it’s the beautiful affirmation she needs to feel better. She feels especially grateful that he yells at her like this in a public setting, as that’s every girl’s dream. Ah, love.
With the loveless relationship between Sandoval and Ariana dead in the water, thank you to Scheana Shay for providing enough dysfunction for the whole
show. She really is that girl who does the entire group project without so
much as a thank you. But here’s your thank you, Scheana. You make this show better, and I’m grateful you’re here.
Finally, it’s Tahoe time. There’s a Ken Todd jumpscare on Lisa’s plane ride over to the lake, which is (I believe) his first sighting this season.
Granted, he’s snoozing, or he might be dead. Who’s really to say?
While Lisa’s there to shoot sensual photos with a wolf, her real role is to produce Sandoval’s return to the group. On FaceTime with the pariah, she reminds him to play nice, and save his grievances for later. It’s sage advice for the sake of making peace, but poor advice from the place of
entertainment, as there is none to be found in this episode. Well, Scheana’s growing resentment towards Brock and his pink speedo is entertaining. The
rest? A snooze. Jobs are on the line, here, people. Act like it.
Although he’s keeping calm, Sandoval feels the group is misguided, expecting him to apologize and beg for forgiveness. Instead, he’d prefer an apology for the hate spewed at him in the wake of the affair. If there’s one consistent thread on Vanderpump Rules, it’s that none of these dingbats know a thing
about accountability or self-awareness. But, since everyone’s walking on eggshells, we tiptoe around the real divide here.
On one hand, it’s interesting that this group who lambasted Sandoval incessantly on social media and podcasts are too timid to do anything of the sort in person. On the other hand, it’s a reminder that this group is
fractured and doesn’t gel organically. A cast full of keyboard warriors isn’t fascinating TV.
Even when James trots out Graham, Sandoval toes the line of saying what he really thinks, given he knows the “real” reason the dog ended up rehomed.
There is a moment of genuine intrigue, as Sandoval and Ally sit together and discuss Graham. Sandoval shares that Graham had attacked multiple people, and rehoming him wasn’t just a careless decision, which Ally seems to take in.
It’s very obvious Ally doesn’t really believe James is a morally amazing man. She’s here to play the long-game, whether that be fame or something even more lucrative, and she’s positioned herself well. I wish we lived in a world
where Ally wasn’t the only new era cast member—a recurring one, at that—so
that the stale dynamics could continue shaking up. It’s really too bad Rachel left. For her own sanity, though, it’s certainly for the best.
Over in Los Angeles, Ariana’s still going in circles. She’s ready to give up the house, but the furniture provided by her, not so much. Both Ariana’s A- plots are severely hurt by the reality that today, she’s in the same place
she was filming this. She hasn’t moved out of the house, neither she nor Sandoval have sold their half, and the sandwich shop she speaks of is just a merch line.
You’d think there would be more to mine here, given how well Ariana’s kept herself in the press this past year, and how busy she’s been with different gigs. In many ways, she’s on top of the world. But, behind that veneer of unbothered success might be something more nuanced, and neither production
nor Ariana want to reveal that.
Instead, we’re left with a flat edit. I guess no one in the editing room has heard the saying “show, don’t tell,” but I don’t feel any true understanding
of Ariana post-Scandoval. There’s a wall up, and it’s preventing her from giving us a raw, riveting performance.
Back at Lake Tahoe, the gang join Lisa at the grounds of her newest restaurant—one that actually plans to open on time, she shares. That dig may have been towards Schwartz & Sandy’s, which also faced several delays. But in light of the sandwich shop’s nonexistent opening date, it’s an accidental
stray Katie and Ariana’s way. This is Lisa Vanderpump, so it’s probably not
an accident, either. British humour, dahhhling!
The cast take out their frustrations in a healthy way, slamming sledgehammers into the wall. Can one of you earn your check and slam a sledgehammer at your fellow castmates? I’m begging. Stop being healthy! At least Sandoval airs out his frustrations toward the brutal reunion gang-up in the most awkward way possible, repeatedly slamming the wall while shouting lines like “worm with a mustache.” This redemption arc is on easy mode, but the tortured artist that
is Tom Sandoval has to take the scenic route, of course.
Afterward, the cast go out for dinner—and Ken Todd is there, eyes open and blinking, revealing he’s alive! It’s an awkward outing, as this chemistry-
less group try to maintain pleasantries. Even Lisa’s attempt to oil the
wheels a bit, asking James to name one thing he likes about Sandoval, lands with a thud. They need to channel the Salt Lake City Housewives with a game
of warm and fuzzy, cold and prickly. That’s how you kickstart drama.
The group go out without Lisa next, and it’s here where a path forward
finally appears. Sandoval approaches James, looking to hash things out after their failed attempt at his birthday. He knows he hurt James through his
affair with Rachel, but he feels he had no other choice. As James points out, Sandoval could’ve ended things with Ariana before pursuing an entirely new relationship, though Sandoval thinks that’s easier said than done. It really isn’t, but cheating is all this man knows. If he didn’t cheat, he wouldn’t be able to brood properly. It’s necessary character work.
When James asks Sandoval if he thinks he and Rachel will be together now, Sandoval says he isn’t sure, and he doesn’t know if any of this was worth it. The one thing he is sure of is ending things with Ariana.
“It wasn’t just about being with Rachel, it was also getting out of a relationship that I know wasn’t suiting my life,” he reveals in a
confessional. “The path that I was on was not a good path. It needed to change.”
James finds genuine empathy for Sandoval, and the two finally move forward.
It turns out unfettered access to Sandoval without a podcast microphone can actually produce results for this group. Thus, the boys of Vanderpump Rules have all achieved peace. Next to flip? Scheana, of course!
Next week, the tension between Lala and Sandoval finally explodes, while Scheana admits to Ariana she “can’t keep hating” Sandoval for her. That actually looks like a good hour of television, and it’s one I’m excited for. It’s time for alliances to shift and for this group to get in the mud.
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Let's go Brandon!
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