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  • Shocking discovery

    From Keith F. Lynch@21:1/5 to All on Tue Apr 2 02:57:40 2024
    Over the past few decades, great strides have been made in DNA
    analysis and in data science. Analysis of the DNA of living members
    of the royal families of Europe have allowed reconstruction of their
    earlier and earlier ancestors.

    This has resulting in a shocking discovery. It turns out that William
    the Conqueror was illegitimate, i.e. his parents were not married to
    each other!

    This of course means that none of his descendants were or are rightful
    kings or queens or the ancestors thereof. This includes Princess
    Sophia of the Palatinate, Electress of Hanover. By current law, all
    British monarchs must be her descendants. This creates a problem.

    Parliament is working late to change that law, replacing her with
    Alfred the Great. The entire British population will them be checked
    to see who is most closely related to him. That person will become
    the new British king or queen (if they're a member of the Church of
    England, of course). If you're British and a church member, please
    spit in a cup and mail it to Buckingham Palace for DNA analysis.
    Thanks.

    Of course this means that all laws that were ratified by monarchs
    since 1066 are hereby null and void, and the laws have reverted to
    those extant in 1065. If you are fluent in Old English, please
    report to Parliament for translation duty. Thanks.
    --
    Keith F. Lynch - http://keithlynch.net/
    Please see http://keithlynch.net/email.html before emailing me.

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Tim Merrigan@21:1/5 to kfl@KeithLynch.net on Tue Apr 2 12:49:00 2024
    On Tue, 2 Apr 2024 02:57:40 -0000 (UTC), "Keith F. Lynch"
    <kfl@KeithLynch.net> wrote:

    Over the past few decades, great strides have been made in DNA
    analysis and in data science. Analysis of the DNA of living members
    of the royal families of Europe have allowed reconstruction of their
    earlier and earlier ancestors.

    This has resulting in a shocking discovery. It turns out that William
    the Conqueror was illegitimate, i.e. his parents were not married to
    each other!

    This of course means that none of his descendants were or are rightful
    kings or queens or the ancestors thereof. This includes Princess
    Sophia of the Palatinate, Electress of Hanover. By current law, all
    British monarchs must be her descendants. This creates a problem.

    Parliament is working late to change that law, replacing her with
    Alfred the Great. The entire British population will them be checked
    to see who is most closely related to him. That person will become
    the new British king or queen (if they're a member of the Church of
    England, of course). If you're British and a church member, please
    spit in a cup and mail it to Buckingham Palace for DNA analysis.
    Thanks.

    Of course this means that all laws that were ratified by monarchs
    since 1066 are hereby null and void, and the laws have reverted to
    those extant in 1065. If you are fluent in Old English, please
    report to Parliament for translation duty. Thanks.

    Two points, one, it was already known that William the Bastard's, aka
    the Conqueror, parents weren't married (at least to each other).

    And, two, it doesn't matter whether he had a legitimate claim to the
    throne, as, since he took the throne by force of arms, the line starts
    with him.
    --

    Qualified immunity = virtual impunity.

    Tim Merrigan

    --
    This email has been checked for viruses by AVG antivirus software.
    www.avg.com

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)
  • From Keith F. Lynch@21:1/5 to Tim Merrigan on Wed Apr 3 01:05:45 2024
    Tim Merrigan <tppm@ca.rr.com> wrote:
    Two points, one, it was already known that William the Bastard's,
    aka the Conqueror, parents weren't married (at least to each other).

    Yes, that was the point of my joke -- that something that's been known
    for nearly a thousand years was being presented as a shocking new
    discovery.

    Another part of my joke is based on the fact that probably everyone
    now living who has any Anglo-Saxon ancestry is a direct descendant of
    his. So the likelihood that anyone now living who is descended from
    Alfred the Great isn't also descended from William is pretty much zero.

    And, two, it doesn't matter whether he had a legitimate claim to
    the throne, as, since he took the throne by force of arms, the
    line starts with him.

    He actually did have a pretty good claim. He didn't just randomly
    march into England and say that it was his now. Unfortunately, two
    others also had pretty good claims, which is why there was a war.

    That's what scares me about those who say that the 2020 election was
    stolen. Who is president (or king) is usually much less important
    than that everyone agrees on who that is. The worst case for 2024 is
    if half the US population, including half the military, believe that
    one guy won and the other half are equally sure that the other guy
    won. Civil wars seldom end well.
    --
    Keith F. Lynch - http://keithlynch.net/
    Please see http://keithlynch.net/email.html before emailing me.

    --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
    * Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)