Not a site I have seen previously:
Nick Rockel from Nick's Korero <
nickrockel@substack.com>
Well worth a look - and subscribing (various options):
Take Me To Your Leader
"I want to taste his brain."
Nick Rockel
Oct 19
Ladies and gentlemen I want to start by telling you that I will be a
leader for all New Zealanders. Even the ones god hates.
Ah now see, you’re going to have to learn that I like a little joke -
I’m bringing them back baby. Besides, you all thought I was talking
about the Rainbow Community, but I was really talking about the women
who murder their unborn children.
Nah, got you again. That was just jokes my bros. Luxon finished with a
laugh that he thought sounded like Billy T James. But he actually
sounding like a rather excited owl.
No my god loves all of his flock, just like I do. Not that I’m
comparing myself to the Lord of course - do I look like Brian Tamaki?
Quietly, away from the microphone - “Shut up Bishop, I do not.”
No I’m just a humble guy who happens to have been lucky enough through
very hard work to become your leader. Your leader. You know, like when
the aliens arrive and ask for the guy in charge.
Quietly again - “can you lot stop talking all at once? I can’t hear
myself think.”
As Nicola said, they might also be asking for the lady in charge.
Luxon looked to his right and smiled, as if Nicola was there beside
him.
I should just say that if the aliens turnout to be vicious murdering
monsters, that Seymour will be on duty that day, he’ll sort ‘em out.
The thing is I’ve just got a small phobia about being ripped apart by
a giant creature with the body of a praying mantis and the head of my
Finance Minister. Fortunately I only see it when I close my eyes.
Image: Hotpot AI
Ok, so I want to cover off a couple of policies that people have been suggesting I reconsider. Especially that one on free dental. Seems a
lot of people liked that one, just not enough to vote for it - am I
right?
It’s a hard “no” from me. Two things - have you seen my teeth? And
let’s not forget Amanda’s! Those babies cost a lot of money, even with
a good two-for-one deal. How would it be fair for other people to just
be given their dental work for free?
Secondly, have you seen the state of Bishop’s teeth? How unfair would
it be for the taxpayer to pick up the bill for that shambles?
Photo:
https://www.facebook.com/christopherluxon/photos
Quietly - “Ha Ha, you’re welcome Bish, I thought you’d be comfortable
under that bus. Finally a use for public transport eh? Just make sure
Seymour gives you plenty of room down there.”
Now, where was I? Oh that’s right Public Transport.
Today I confirmed that we’re cancelling rail to the airport. I have
seen the future, and it is cars. Millions of cars as far as the eye
can see. And millions of roads. And no more green space, except golf
courses of course. Cars - they're our future. Cars.
Speaking of travel, I’ll be doing a lot of wheeling and dealing
overseas, securing some more trade agreements, and I’ll be leaving
Winston in charge. I’m going to be telling the world that - New
Zealand got its mojo back. Yeah baby. Yeah!
Winston will be in charge and Nicola will be his deputy. “Yes Winnie,
I’m coming to it”, and Seymour will have to do what he’s told.
Remember as per the coalition agreement David is only in charge if
Nicola turns into a praying mantis and starts biting people’s heads
off. “Oh for goodness sake Nicola”, sorry I mean - if the aliens come.
“Yes Winston, I know some of your supporters believe in aliens…”
Image:
https://www.politik.co.nz/nz-first-goes-backwards/
Shane Jones will be the minister for Northland with a focus on
delivering New Zealand First’s commitments in the region. He says they
better be grateful and vote for him next time, otherwise he’ll build
the Dargaville aerodrome somewhere else, and you fullas might need it
now we’ve delayed the work to upgrade Whangarei hospital.
“Yes, yes…”
Dr Shane asks that I remind you that National are fully committed to
upgrading the hospital in his electorate, and that was also our policy
the last time we were in government. Hang on, that doesn’t sound good.
Aotearoa, if I can call you that, there has been a lot of kerfuffle
about Maori during this campaign, so to show there’s no hard feelings
David, Paul, Winston, Shane, and the other Shane, will be entertaining
us with a traditional waiata of these isles.
I should add that as part of our coalition agreement we won’t be
referring to is as the indigenous culture any more, but rather the
culture of the first non-European arrivals. Anyway, take it away boys.
Winston takes centre stage and addresses the crowd. “I’d like to
dedicate this one to my old mate Sir Peter Buck, who loved a
singalong. Here we go…”
I have a band of men, and they all say yes to me
They come from miles around to hear my same old melody
As old as the stars my ten demands will ask a lot from you
But if I’m the one that you want this is what you’ll do
Oh, dance, dance, dance to my ten demands
And very soon you won’t know where you stand
Each three years I shake a thousand hands
So you’ll dance, dance, dance, to my ten demands
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
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