I sometimes believe it to be possible that I might be a longstanding victim of child abuse by my mother, both physical and more recently psychological. But in my present chemically lobotomized state, I can not seem to be able to find the mental stamina
to fully support that theory. I surmise that such child abuse and overall repression by my mother might even be an underlying source of the symptoms of my mental illness.

When I was growing up, my mother used to occasionally spank my brother and myself. Although that kind of tough love might seem normal enough to some people, I believe that it might have unbalanced me a bit psychologically, perhaps even leading me to feel
resentment toward her authority and that of others. That might include the authority of psychiatry and of law enforcement in general, both of which I might have been a victim of at one time or another.

My mother has not hit me anymore, since about the time of my early adolescence. But the anger and resentment might remain deep within myself nonetheless.

When I have told my mother in the past that I believe she might be practicing a kind of child abuse toward me, she would simply laugh at me, saying that I am too old to be a “child” as such. A few times she even went as far as to accuse me of
practicing elder abuse toward her instead of the other way around. (I have never hit my mother in anger, by the way, and only hit her once playfully in about my early adolescence.)

I sometimes tire of living with my mother, but I presently do not have an adequate income to be able to live on my own. I try to be patient with my mother, but I often find her to be a bit bossy and boring. I feel as if I might perhaps be depriving
myself of a learning experience of life skills by living with her.

Can we say this: authority often sucks, and so too does the fourth commandment.

I am not a believer in the ethos of feminism, by the way. Even despite all of the whining for women’s rights by certain woman, I surmise that women often hold the true upper hand of authority here in the United States at least. My own home life might
be evidence of that fact. And such is only assisted by those men who are too much imbeciles to stick with their own kind, that is, with men in general.

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