I admit it, I sometimes read an advice column, from WAPO (and I'd read
it more often if the reader-comment format worked better.)

(It's Carolyn Hax, who impressed me that she gave the best advice column
advice I'd ever seen (not like Amy), but later I decided it was good
only 80% of the time and 10% it's bad.)

Anyhow, yesterday's column was about a guy whose girlfriend was
pregnant, but he thought she wasn't interested enough in him, only a few
hours together a day, never spent the night, went home to her mother and
sister every night, and because of Covid, the obstretrician said only
one other person at the appointments and she says she wants her mother
or sister 2/3rds of the time. He feels slighted by this too, thinks he's
being left out in the cold. He says he's supported the girl and her
famiily for years but doesn't say if he means money or cheering at their softball games.

Three or more commenters wanted him to hire a lawyer and agreed with
"The standard advice is to have a parenting plan in place from birth. It
heads off problems and clearly states everyone�s rights and obligations upfront. I definitely wouldn�t wait until after the child is born."

I said: "Isn't legal action before the birth, or even after but before
some disagreement arises, just going to antagonize them? No one likes to
be sued. Shouldn't he wait and see if the mother puts his name on the
birth certificate as the father. If she does, won't the legal burden
shift to the mother and her mother if perchance they want to read him
out of the baby's life."

So who's right? This is not like buying a house from a stranger.
You're supposed to be friends, at a minimum, with the mother of your
child and her family. I can't imagine that anything good comes in a
case like this from hiring a lawyer before there's a problem.

Please don't waste your time reading this column -- you might never
reach comments like the ones above, because comments are stored
chronologically but only some display until you get to the bottom of the
list and then some more display. This means that Find does not work**, becausae most comments have not displayed or loaded yet. But for the
record, here it is: https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/01/12/carolyn-hax-expectant-father-prenatal-appointments/?
BTW, the commenters often have wacky ideas and think my ideas are, to be
kind, wacky, but this disagreement is the first I recall related to the
law. They are mostly liberal ideologues who let their liberal views
interfere with practical decisions. And I'm a Democrat.

**This is a problem with Facebook*** and other websites too. I am not
sure why hosts do it this way, maybe so they can monitor how much
reading goes on by how many times more comments are is loaded. ***My
high school reunion info was only on a Facebook webpage and I had to go
to the bottom 40 times so that more loaded each time to get to the place
where it said when and where the reunion was.

--
I think you can tell, but just to be sure:
I am not a lawyer.

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)

"micky" wrote in message news:bd20sh5dg5pc7b6cusmcmmd6nggje26jnt@4ax.com...

I admit it, I sometimes read an advice column, from WAPO (and I'd read
it more often if the reader-comment format worked better.)

(It's Carolyn Hax, who impressed me that she gave the best advice column >advice I'd ever seen (not like Amy), but later I decided it was good
only 80% of the time and 10% it's bad.)

Anyhow, yesterday's column was about a guy whose girlfriend was
pregnant, but he thought she wasn't interested enough in him, only a few >hours together a day, never spent the night, went home to her mother and >sister every night, and because of Covid, the obstretrician said only
one other person at the appointments and she says she wants her mother
or sister 2/3rds of the time. He feels slighted by this too, thinks he's >being left out in the cold. He says he's supported the girl and her
famiily for years but doesn't say if he means money or cheering at their >softball games.

Three or more commenters wanted him to hire a lawyer and agreed with
"The standard advice is to have a parenting plan in place from birth. It >heads off problems and clearly states everyone’s rights and obligations >upfront. I definitely wouldn’t wait until after the child is born."

I said: "Isn't legal action before the birth, or even after but before
some disagreement arises, just going to antagonize them? No one likes to
be sued. Shouldn't he wait and see if the mother puts his name on the
birth certificate as the father. If she does, won't the legal burden
shift to the mother and her mother if perchance they want to read him
out of the baby's life."

So who's right? This is not like buying a house from a stranger.
You're supposed to be friends, at a minimum, with the mother of your
child and her family. I can't imagine that anything good comes in a
case like this from hiring a lawyer before there's a problem.

Please don't waste your time reading this column -- you might never
reach comments like the ones above, because comments are stored >chronologically but only some display until you get to the bottom of the
list and then some more display. This means that Find does not work**, >becausae most comments have not displayed or loaded yet. But for the
record, here it is: >https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/01/12/carolyn-hax-expectant-father-prenatal-appointments/?
BTW, the commenters often have wacky ideas and think my ideas are, to be >kind, wacky, but this disagreement is the first I recall related to the
law. They are mostly liberal ideologues who let their liberal views >interfere with practical decisions. And I'm a Democrat.

**This is a problem with Facebook*** and other websites too. I am not
sure why hosts do it this way, maybe so they can monitor how much
reading goes on by how many times more comments are is loaded. ***My
high school reunion info was only on a Facebook webpage and I had to go
to the bottom 40 times so that more loaded each time to get to the place >where it said when and where the reunion was.

I'm sure this varies by state. In my state (Florida) the statute on
parenting says this:

"In order to preserve the right to notice and consent to the adoption of the child, an unmarried biological father must, as the “registrant,” file a notarized claim of paternity form with the Florida Putative Father Registry maintained by the Office of Vital Statistics of the Department of Health
which includes confirmation of his willingness and intent to support the
child for whom paternity is claimed in accordance with state law. The claim
of paternity may be filed at any time before the child’s birth, but a claim of paternity may not be filed after the date a petition is filed for termination of parental rights."

So yes, that would suggest getting a lawyer before birth to establish paternity.





--

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)

micky <misc07@fmguy.com> wrote:

I admit it, I sometimes read an advice column, from WAPO (and I'd
read it more often if the reader-comment format worked better.)

(It's Carolyn Hax, who impressed me that she gave the best advice
column advice I'd ever seen (not like Amy), but later I decided it
was good only 80% of the time and 10% it's bad.)

Anyhow, yesterday's column was about a guy whose girlfriend was
pregnant, but he thought she wasn't interested enough in him, only
a few hours together a day, never spent the night, went home to
her mother and sister every night, and because of Covid, the
obstretrician said only one other person at the appointments and
she says she wants her mother or sister 2/3rds of the time. He
feels slighted by this too, thinks he's being left out in the
cold. He says he's supported the girl and her famiily for years
but doesn't say if he means money or cheering at their softball
games.

Three or more commenters wanted him to hire a lawyer and agreed
with "The standard advice is to have a parenting plan in place
from birth. It heads off problems and clearly states everyone's
rights and obligations upfront. I definitely wouldn't wait until
after the child is born."

I said: "Isn't legal action before the birth, or even after but
before some disagreement arises, just going to antagonize them? No
one likes to be sued. Shouldn't he wait and see if the mother puts
his name on the birth certificate as the father. If she does,
won't the legal burden shift to the mother and her mother if
perchance they want to read him out of the baby's life."

So who's right? This is not like buying a house from a stranger.
You're supposed to be friends, at a minimum, with the mother of
your child and her family. I can't imagine that anything good
comes in a case like this from hiring a lawyer before there's a
problem.

Do you put off writing a partnership agreement until the partners
have a disagreement? Do you avoid entering into any other kind of
contract until there's a disagreement?

Of course not. The document is there to avoid disagreements in the
first place. And if it is well written it will consider as many
possible things that can go wrong as possible, and get the people to
come up with a resolution before it actually happens.

They don't have to go to court. But sometimes the threat of going to
court will get a recalcitrant person to become more realistic if not cooperative.

--
Stu
http://DownToEarthLawyer.com

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)