[satire] New Evidence Indicates Critical Race Theory Escaped From A Lab
From
Jason Evans@21:1/5 to
All on Mon Jul 5 08:43:46 2021
U.S.—Scientists have discovered mounting evidence that critical race
theory escaped from a lab in a college humanities department some decades
ago. Originally thought to be a deranged conspiracy theory, the idea that
CRT escaped from a liberal arts program is now accepted as mainstream consensus.
"While many believed the deadly CRT virus arose naturally out of
centuries of systemic oppression, it now appears to have been manmade,"
said Dr. Xander Willow of Hillsdale College. "It looks like some good-for- nothing liberal arts majors were messing around with some old law
textbooks and experimenting with applying critical race theory to all of
life. As we can see, their gain-of-racism research had terrible results."
While researchers could not trace the virus all the way back to patient
zero, scientific evidence indicates the first carrier of CRT was "almost certainly a white woman with purple hair who screamed a lot." "Yeah, her
name was probably Chloe or Claire. Or maybe Karen. It's hard to tell
based on the evidence we have, but genetics indicates this virus
definitely evolved from a woman afflicted by white guilt."
"Her actions in developing and releasing this virus on the population may
prove to be deadlier than any other virus yet."
To fight CRT, experts are recommending loving your neighbor no matter
what their skin color is, seeing a person instead of a race, and reading
your Bible. Also, hydroxychloroquine.
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