XPost: or.politics, ca.politics, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh
<
http://babylonbee.com>
Trump Promises Vivek An Administration Position Running The White House 7-Eleven
PALM BEACH, FL - Following former President Donald Trump's landslide
victory in the Iowa Primary and immediate concession by GOP candidate
Vivek Ramaswamy, Trump offered an olive branch by promising the
billionaire entrepreneur a cabinet position running the White House
7-Eleven convenience store.
"I've always said Vivek was a great man, one of the greatest men, to be honest," said Trump during a victory speech. "That's why I've graciously offered him this incredible opportunity, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to
run our big, beautiful White House convenience store. It's a tremendous, wonderful place."
"Under Biden, the White House doesn't even have a 7-Eleven. Not good!
We're going to bring convenience back to the West Wing!"
Trump went on to say that he'll work closely with Ramaswamy every day when
he takes office, stopping by the official 7-Eleven store located in the
halls of the West Wing several times a day for a Diet Coke and "one of
those delicious warmed-up cheeseburgers under the hot light thingies."
Ramaswamy quickly began training for the position, watching official
7-Eleven franchisee training videos on how to fix the Slurpee machine and
offer fast service ringing up Big Gulps.
"Technically, I'm really very overqualified for this," Ramaswamy told reporters. "And I'm a little suspicious as to why Trump chose me for this position over some of the other candidates. But I'll take what I can get
at this point."
When questioned, Trump was horrified at the accusations that any kind of
racial stereotyping played into his selection of Ramaswamy. "I wanted to
offer the job to DeSantis, frankly, but he's too short to see over the
little hot dog display."
Despite their best efforts, Planned Parenthood isn't killing as many
babies as their founder would have wanted. It's time for a rebrand!
--
Democracy: Three wolves and a lamb vote for dinner.
Republic: Three wolves and a lamb vote for dinner,
but the lamb is armed & has the right
to an appeal in a court of law.
Communism: Three Wolves have eaten the lamb
and are fighting amongst themselves
for the scraps.
Islamism: A man in a cave writing gibberish rules
over the people of a territory!
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