Joe,
We often think of "the good old days" of this or that and remember
the time fondly.
Can you imagine at some future date people will look back at the
present as "the good old days"?
That's probably what Adam and Eve thought after they were expelled from
the Garden Of Eden.
Speaking of which, a couple of religious cartoons:
1) An old man in the drivers seat of a car, with a good looking woman
and a man in the back seat. It's God driving Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden.
2) Eve looks to be eating a salad, when Adam tells her "That's my
dirty laundry". :P (there goes my appetite).
3) A Roman government official flying a plane...Pontious The Pilot.
I know religion is a "no-no", but these illustrate the concept of
outlandish physical sight gags, as in the Tex Avery cartoons. Whenever
the character's eyes bugged out, you'd hear the old Tin Lizzie horn of "Ah-roo-gah". That was my favorite part of his cartoons.
His "Symphony In Slang" took a bunch of expressions, and made "sight
gags" as if there were literal. The guy is at the Pearly Gates, saying
"Howdy, Dad!! What's Cooking, How's Tricks??". St. Peter is so confused,
that he can't record the newcomer's life on Earth, so he refers him to
the master of the dictionary, Noah Webster.
Some examples (with my comments)...I did this from memory:
A) I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth (gagged instead of cried).
B) I grew up overnight (can't fit in the crib now).
C) At the crack of dawn (the sky shattered like glass).
D) I got up with the chickens (guess he had company in bed).
E) I got a job slinging hash (reach right into the pot).
F) The proprietor was short handed (a real disability).
G) I couldn't cut the mustard (never mind stir the mayonnaise).
H) So, he gave me the gate (freshly painted at that).
I) I went back to my hole in the wall (maybe he's insecure).
J) I was beside myself with anger (he's a violent monster).
K) A beautiful girl stepped into the picture (how she fit in the frame!).
L) Our eyes met (eyes popping out of heads).
M) My breath came in short pants (no bellbottoms??).
N) I was all thumbs (makes it hard to grab things or type).
O) We went around together for some time (never mind the merry-go-round).
P) Painting the town red (they made Sherwin Williams happy).
Q) Got a box at the opera (looked like a produce and vegetable crate).
R) At dinner, I had a cocktail (pluck off the roosters hind-feather).
S) She had a Moscow Mule (fit that one into a shot glass).
T) She ate like a horse (bring on the feedbag).
U) My money was running out on me (bills with legs on them).
V) I was really in a pickle (no dilly dallying around it).
W) My check bounced (nothing like having some spring in your wallet).
X) The guy drew a gun on me (nice looking pistol with a pencil).
Y) I gave him the slip (wonder if it was his girl's lingerie??).
Z) I fled to the foothills (where you stand on your own 2 feet).
a) The law was on my heels (amazing how the cop fit on that sole spot).
b) On the witness stand, the judge tried to pump me (who's the air head??).
c) He sent me up the river (on a makeshift raft).
d) I did a stretch in the jar (a glass prison cell).
e) I got to talk to an undercover man (below thick blankets).
f) As a result, he sprung me (so much for catapaults).
g) It felt good to stretch my legs again (a contortionist, no doubt).
h) I heard my girl was running around with an old flame (hot stuff).
i) That really burned me up (blackened and broiled, anyone?).
j) I knew he was feeding her a line (must've been easy to swallow).
k) The guy spent his money like water (right out of the pitcher).
l) I think he was connected with the railroad (coupled to a boxcar).
m) She turned her back on me (must've had an elastic bone).
n) She got on her high horse (15 feet in the air).
o) I couldn't touch her with a 10 foot pole (too short).
p) She wouldn't talk to me - guess the cat had her tongue (in its paw).
q) I walked out on her (that must've kinked her spine).
r) After I left, I went to pieces (what a mess on the ground).
s) I was feeling mighty blue, and everything looked black (a colorful life).
t) But I carried on (one letter per hand).
u) I went to the thousand islands (the 1 was thin, the 0's were circular).
v) I became a beach comber (lots of sand to part).
w) I thought of her, and a tear ran down my cheek (with quick legs).
x) So, I sent her a cable (ripped it off of the light pole).
y) She sent back a wire (looked like a used coat hangar).
z) Hotfooted it home (that match burned the toenails right off).
1) When I got there, there were quite a few changes (diapers hanging).
2) She had a bunch of little ones (1's in diapers and cradles).
3) The groom had his hands full, too (on the washboard).
4) All this struck me funny, I died laughing (here come the pallbearers).
5) Can't you talk?? Has the cat got your tongue?? (the cartoon ends here).
I guess I have too much time on my hands. But, at least I'm not like ventriloquist Nina Conti with her monkey. She told him "I don't have my vibrating watch on", and he says "Thank God for that"!! <G> Unfortunately,
her humor can be as raunchy at times as ventriloquist Jeff Dunham. But,
for those who have to see it, just search for it on YouTube.
Daryl
... Ever stop to think, and forget to start again??
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