• New Church Seating

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Fri Aug 28 16:36:18 2020
    A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you
    and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy
    Land at my expense. When you come back, I'll have a surprise
    for you".

    The vicar accepted the offer, and he and his wife
    went off to the Middle East.

    Three months later they returned home and were met
    by the wealthy parishioner, who told them that while they
    were gone, he had had a new church built. "It's the
    finest building money can buy, vicar," said the man. "No
    expense was spared."

    And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both
    inside and out. But there was one striking difference.
    There was only one pew, and it was at the very back.

    "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.

    "You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.

    When the time came for the Sunday service, the early
    arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew
    and sat down. When the pew was full, a switch clicked
    silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt
    moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move
    forward.

    When it reached the front of the church, it came to
    a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up
    from below at the back and more people sat down.

    And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards
    until finally the church was full, from front to
    back.

    "Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"

    The service began, and the vicar started to preach
    his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12
    o'clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in
    sight.

    Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor
    behind the pulpit dropped open.

    "Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Fri Apr 30 00:03:34 2021
    A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you
    and your wife to take a three-month trip to the Holy
    Land at my expense. When you come back, I'll have a surprise
    for you".

    The vicar accepted the offer, and he and his wife
    went off to the Middle East.

    Three months later they returned home and were met
    by the wealthy parishioner, who told them that while they
    were gone, he had had a new church built. "It's the
    finest building money can buy, vicar," said the man. "No
    expense was spared."

    And he was right. It was a magnificent edifice both
    inside and out. But there was one striking difference.
    There was only one pew, and it was at the very back.

    "A church with only one pew?" asked the vicar.

    "You just wait until Sunday," the rich man said.

    When the time came for the Sunday service, the early
    arrivals entered the church, filed onto the one pew
    and sat down. When the pew was full, a switch clicked
    silently, a circuit closed, the gears meshed, a belt
    moved and, automatically, the rear pew began to move
    forward.

    When it reached the front of the church, it came to
    a stop. At the same time, another empty pew came up
    from below at the back and more people sat down.

    And so it continued, pews filling and moving forwards
    until finally the church was full, from front to
    back.

    "Wonderful!" said the vicar, "Marvelous!"

    The service began, and the vicar started to preach
    his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12
    o'clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in
    sight.

    Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor
    behind the pulpit dropped open.

    "Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Fri Apr 30 11:54:15 2021
    [great joke temporarily moved to original post for space]
    [...]
    The service began, and the vicar started to preach
    his sermon. He launched into his text and, when 12
    o'clock came, he was still going strong, with no end in
    sight.

    Suddenly a bell rang, and a trap door in the floor
    behind the pulpit dropped open.

    "Wonderful!" said the congregation, "Marvelous!"

    The Vicar & fellow Irish Protestant decided to watch the house they'd heard rumours was a "House of Ill Repute"; they settled in across the way, behind some shrubbery.

    Presently, a member of the local Catholic congregation furtively went into
    the front door.

    Both men of the cloth agreed to pray for his poor soul.

    Later another Catholic went in & they agreed, robustly, that there was a sin deep in Catholic church, & prayed that his time in Hell wouldn't be for too long.

    Before anon, one of their own group went in. The second clergyman spoke up, "How nice, Gerald's gone in to convert the poor lasses."

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)