Thanks to Dave Drum, one of my users for this one :)

Imagine if 10 years ago you were approached by a time traveler
and he was like "Look, I don't have much time to explain, all I
can tell you is that the year 2020 is going to be wild as hell!
You know Donald Trump, the star of the apprentice? Well he's
the president of the United States and at the beginning of 2020
he gets into a Twitter beef with Iran that almost starts world
war. Australia catches fire and a woman tries to save it by
selling pictures of her tits. Kobe Bryant dies in a helicopter
crash. Half the world is devastated, the other half just makes
messed up memes. A 42 year old Canadian Zamboni driver wins the
game against the Toronto Maple Leafs...his own home team! And
just when the world starts recovering from the loss of Kobe some
dude in China eats a fucking bat and starts a global pandemic
that specifically kills old people and asthmatics. The Prime
Minister of Canada directs everyone to not speak moistly on
others (more memes ensue) President Trump halts all funding to
the WHO. Everyone loses their minds. 40% of the population
thinks it's the end of the world another 40% thinks it's all
fake and 20% blames the whole thing on cell phone towers. The
one thing everyone seems to agree on is that the only way to
survive is by hoarding toilet paper. Grocery stores are
ransacked and Charmin Ultra Soft essentially replaces all
official currencies. Eventually as hysteria grows, governments
are forced to shut the entire planet down and lock everyone in
their houses and..... the only person that can keep the people
from completely losing their minds and starting a huge riot is a
homosexual gun toting Oklahoma man with two husbands, a meth
addiction, and 223 pet tigers... and that was all before
spring."



FIDOGAZETTE Vol 14 No 17 Page 3 April 29th, 2020


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--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-4
* Origin: Prism bbs (1:261/38)