• The Night Crew

    From Arelor@VERT/PALANT to All on Wed Apr 28 17:50:03 2021
    Hello!

    I am here to tell you about yet another movie you must avoid at any cost. The penalty
    for ignoring my wise advice is enduring one of the worst pieces of film-making ever
    spawned from Hell. And yes I am convinced this movie was made in the forges of Hell
    itself, and then rejected by the Beast because it was too evil even for his dark
    realm.

    This turd has been titled The Night Crew.

    The plot is simple and sounds like your standard foundation for an action movie. A
    slave belonging to a Mexican king of cartels escapes, and the cartel king sends his
    minions for her. A bunch of mercenaries is sent to rescue her and take her to the US
    because she has information that can sink the druglord. The mercenaries end up fighting the cartel in a bloody orgy of destruction. So far, so good.

    This "ok" plot is fatally wounded by the lamest of executions. A random collection of
    movie killers seen in this parody of a film:

    1) The mercenaries are, for lack of a better word, retards. They do the Macho talk,
    they handle guns, they will leave nobody behind... however, they manage to convince
    you that they are just generic tokens supposed to portray badass mercenaries without
    being badass mercenaries. In short, the mercenary squad is not convincing, the members
    are too dumb to live, and the fact the film wants us to believe they are the best of
    the best feels outright insulting.

    2) For that matter, the cartel minions don't fall much behind. They are beliveable bad
    people at times, but they will also take prisoners and torture them one by one, without tying their captured comrades or taking their weapons away while doing the
    torturing.

    3) The Token Asian Hot Girl's only role is to look stoic as exposions happen and
    people dies around her. What a waste.

    4) The action is badly produced. The gun effects are cheap. I hate modern gun effects,
    I much prefer the old movies in which they fired blanks. I don't intend all movies to
    be like Act of Valor (in which they used freaking live ammo for authenticity in a
    bunch of scenes) but if you are doing a gunny movie you need proper gun effects. The
    grenades and rocket launchers felt like fireworks more than anything else.

    5) A lot of character drama is thrown in. A lot of who-sleeps-with-who in situations
    in which people is dying left and right. It feels like a cheap attempt at character
    developent which turns out to be just borying.

    I don't want to give a completely negative view of this movie, so I will leave also
    some positives:

    * It is still better than Night Train to Venice. This means The Night Crew will make
    your brain ooze out of your ears instead of making your head explode like Night TRain
    to Venice.
    * It is an effective torture device. Just sit your enemies in front of the screen and
    watch them suffer. They will answer any questions for the promise of being just shot
    dead instead of forced to endure The Night Crew.
    * I had a nice gin-tonic with the film. It was very good a drink. Actually, it turned
    out to be the best thing in the whole movie.


    I hope my wise warning gets to sav your souls and sanity, and that my sacrifice watching this film serves to prevent others from going through all the pain and suffering I wend through.

    You are welcome.





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  • From Ogg@VERT/CAPCITY2 to Arelor on Wed Apr 28 21:30:00 2021
    Hello Arelor!

    ** On Wednesday 28.04.21 - 17:50, Arelor wrote to All:

    I am here to tell you about yet another movie you must avoid
    at any cost. The penalty for ignoring my wise advice is
    enduring one of the worst pieces of film-making ever spawned
    from Hell..

    I don't want to give a completely negative view of this
    movie, so I will leave also some positives:

    will make your brain ooze out of your ears instead of making
    your head explode like Night TRain to Venice..

    * It is an effective torture device. Just sit your enemies
    in front of the screen and watch them suffer..

    I hope my wise warning gets to sav your souls and sanity, ..

    I think you delivered the best entertainment that any 10 films
    combined could ever achieve! The writing was hilarious.

    I appreciate your sacrifices. But.. be careful out there!


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  • From poindexter FORTRAN@VERT/REALITY to Arelor on Thu Apr 29 06:39:00 2021
    Arelor wrote to All <=-

    I hope my wise warning gets to sav your souls and sanity, and that my sacrifice watching this film serves to prevent others from going
    through all the pain and suffering I wend through.

    Where are Joel, Crow T. Robot and the rest of the gang when we need them the most?


    ... There are secrets within lies, answers within riddles.
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